


Moony's Favorite Customer

by emmathehoe



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Bakery and Coffee Shop, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:46:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29012256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmathehoe/pseuds/emmathehoe
Summary: Remus likes his job enough. It's fine. He enjoys the routine of grinding the coffee beans and microwaving the pastries just enough to not quit. But one day, his job becomes a lot more interesting.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 39
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

Remus liked being a barista. It paid him enough that he could eat three meals a day (most of the time) and anyway, what better job could you have as a uni student? East End Coffee Traders was only a five minute walk from the science building, and a seven minute walk from the library, which was where he spent most his time. And being able to walk to work was very beneficial to Remus, because even if he could afford three meals a day, he definitely could not afford a bus pass. He could probably ask his mum for one, but he knew that he could never ask anything of her after all she went through for his sake. And also walking gave him his daily exercise. Even if the doctors all said a five minute walk didn't count, it was better than nothing. 

Better than nothing. A lot of things in Remus' life could be described as 'better than nothing.' His shoebox of a flat, his secondhand clothes, his flip phone from 2007, his mum being 'fine' with his sexuality as long as he said nothing about it to her. Better than being homeless and completely parentless.

He planned to become a research scientist. He loved taking notes, reading until dawn, falling asleep at his desk, talking about the things he learned in his lab report. He loved it all so much he barely had any time to himself. But hey, if he liked it, then it counted as 'me-time', right? And yes, he had friends. _Loads_ of them. Sure, he didn't talk to them on the phone or text them or go out with them when invited, but he made small talk at work and before class. It was enough. He didn't need friends. 

Remus hated to admit it, but working at the coffee shop was an escape for him. He liked putting on the character of charismatic barista, and he felt like a child again when a customer would ask him to do latte art. It was a hippie shop, if the latte art says anything about that. They wore cute little brown aprons and their chalkboard menu was drawn in beautiful calligraphy that looked as if God himself had drawn it. For the record, Remus did not believe in God. Because how could a loving God ever make someone have such an unlucky life?

He had an 8 a.m class at uni on Thursday morning, and then at 9:45 he was due at the coffee shop. After he said goodbye and thank you to his professor, he made his way out of the building and onto the main road. Remus loved London more than anything. Whether it was London itself that Remus loved or the freedom he had there, nobody knows. He pushed open the wooden door to the shop at 9:38 and said a bright hello to his co-workers briefly before entering the restroom and changing into his little uniform and fixing the placement of his name tag. He walked out of the restroom and dropped his backpack in the back room before taking his place behind the bar. He glanced at the clock. 9:44. Perfect.

"'ello Remus," his co-worker, Maggie said from the espresso machine. "'ad class, didn't you?"

"Yep," Remus responded, straightening out his apron out of habit. 

Maggie sighed and downed a shot of espresso. "Just glad it's a slow day."

"I like when we've got customers," he commented. "Makes for a more interesting day."

She shined a cheeky smile, which turned to a chuckle. "Since when are you wantin' social interaction? You 'aven't ever come out with us."

He shrugged and smiled politely. "Just busy, most of the time. School, and all that."

"Ah, school. 's your last year, innit?" She asked. She started up the machine again. There were no new customers, so Remus assumed it was another shot for herself.

"Last year. Shit's crazy," he laughed. 

She downed her shot and dumped the cup in the recycling bin. "No one's 'ere, so I'm gonna go in the back and watch the telly, 'orright?"

"Have fun, Maggie," he said.

She smiled and walked into the back. 

And just as she left, an unfamiliar face walked through the door and the bell chimed. He caught Remus' eye immediately. He was tall, handsome, and wearing a vintage leather coat. Too thick for October, Remus thought. But it didn't matter anyway, cause this man's face was so perfect that Remus couldn't even begin to process what he was wearing. But Remus was always good at playing cool in the presence of an attractive man, especially at work.

"Hi, welcome to East End Coffee Traders, what can I get you?" Remus asked in his customer service voice.

The man was still looking up at the chalkboard menu when he said, "Hello, yes, um... I'll get just an americano, thanks."

"Had to look at the menu to remember that?" Remus asked, very cheekily, hoping this insanely posh man had a sense of humor.

"I was just... um... seeing..."

"I'm messing with you," Remus said quickly, with a laugh.

"Oh!" The man said, his pinks turning cheek. "Sorry, it's early. Can I have my coffee?"

Remus apologized and turned to the espresso machine. "One fifty."

"Hm?"

Remus finished the coffee and put a lid on. He handed it to the man. "It's one fifty. For the coffee."

"Oh," he said, pulling out his wallet. Remus couldn't help but notice how thick the wallet was. No one carried around that much cash unless they were _really_ rich. "Here."

Remus took the tenner and put it in the register, fishing for change. He handed the change to the man. "Thank you."

"Thank you," the man said, quickly glancing at Remus' name tag. " _Remus_."

Remus tried his hardest not to blush and hoped he wasn't, as the man was still holding his gaze. He only broke the gaze to take a sip of the coffee. "Great Americano."

"Uh, thanks," Remus said. He started to feel awkward, so he began cleaning the espresso machine, even though it didn't really need to be cleaned.

"Goodbye," the man said. "Thanks for the coffee."

"Bye," Remus waved, his anxiousness beginning to calm down. 

**Friday**

On Fridays, Remus worked an earlier shift because he only had afternoon classes. Friday was his least favorite day of the week. He had a bad habit of staying up much too late studying and on Fridays, the one day a week he had to open the shop at the ungodly hour of six in the morning, he was running on only three or four hours of sleep. He cursed himself for not paying attention to the time as he hastily tried to find the right key on the keychain to unlock the back entrance to the shop. He could almost taste the coffee already. He opened up the door after what seemed like minutes of fiddling with the old lock and set his things down on the desk in the back. He threw on his apron and an extra sweater because it was a cold morning and went to unlock the front. He then made himself a coffee with four shots of espresso, lots of milk and lots of sugar. He would never understand the appeal to a black coffee, they were just so bitter. He guessed that was a consequence of his mum constantly giving him sweets as a child to make up for everything he had gone through. He drank down his coffee and waited for customers to start showing up.

It was a pretty mundane shift, overall. He brought a new book he had found at the school library to read and it passed the time well until co-workers started coming in, and he could no longer concentrate on the reading. He did lots of cleaning, drank lots of coffee and tea, and made small talk with his co-workers. His shift ended at 10 a.m, and at 9:58, just as he was finishing his final task of the day, a now familiar face walked in. Remus felt himself begin to blush, and he started wondering. _Is he here because of me? I'd never seen him before yesterday. Maybe he just really liked the coffee. Or maybe he works close to here and it's just closer and cheaper than Starbucks._ Remus did not have plans to stay longer to _talk_ to the handsome posh boy, because there was really no real evidence that he was only there to see him. Until he said came marching over to, not the register, but to exactly where Remus was standing behind the counter.

"Hello Remus," he said. Remus smiled politely, even though his stomach was filling with thousands of butterflies and he even hesitated to respond because he thought his voice might shake.

"Hello," Remus responded. "Remembered my name, I see?"

He smiled back. "Yes. Could I get a latte?"

"Oh, um, I'm sorry- I'm actually," Remus cursed himself to pull himself together. "My shift just ended. You'll have to ask someone else. Sorry."

He frowned slightly, then shook his head and put a hand up as if to say, 'it's okay.' "Alright. Will you be here tomorrow?"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Yes."

He looked very pleased with this and even clasped his hands together. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

Remus nodded, kind of creeped out, then turned to leave.

"I'm Sirius, by the way," he said.

Remus turned back to Sirius, to see him grinning like a child who's just been given an ice cream cone, and any thought that this man had any malicious intent towards him faded away.


	2. Chapter 2

The bell chimed open and Remus' eyes darted over quickly, for the third time that morning, to check and see if Sirius was there. And this time, he really was!

Every single day (except Sunday) the week following their first encounter, Sirius stopped by the coffee shop and chatted up Remus for at least five minutes. Just small talk, really. But Remus learned that Sirius lived two blocks away, had an BA in European history, and was thinking about getting a masters degree, but probably won't because he doesn't want to do anything that might make his mother happy.

"Hiya Remus," Sirius would say every morning, very brightly.

"Morning, Sirius," Remus replied.

The Friday following their first interaction, Remus followed his same morning routine of cursing himself for not getting to bed earlier and walking to work. The very sudden temperature drop took Remus by surprise, and when the newscaster said that the high for the day would be nine degrees, he was even more surprised. The weather was even more of a reason for him to crave his morning coffee. He went around to the back to unlock and walked into the shop. He dropped his bag onto the table and put on his apron and a coat. It was still very cold, even with his coat, so he went over to the thermostat and turned it on. He was not really supposed to touch the thermostat, but he thought that if he was the only one there it wouldn't really matter. And if they had heating, shouldn't they use it?

He sighed and cracked his neck as he walked into the main shop and over to the front door. He got out the key and unlocked the door. 

And then, like an apparition, Sirius was there. He thought he might scream. 

But he didn't. He opened the door, yawning still, and said, "What are you doing here?"

"Never too early for coffee, eh?" Sirius said, entering the shop. "Only one here?"

"Yeah," Remus said, moving back to the bar. "Whatdya want? Latte? Americano?"

Sirius shrugged. "Give me whatever you take."

Remus rolled his eyes and walked over to the espresso machine. "The suns barely risen, y'know."

"I'm a morning person," he said, taking a seat at the barstool. 

"And I'm a night owl," Remus retorted, starting to pour the milk into the two coffees. "Was studying until three or four."

"Jesus, Remus," Sirius said, then chuckled. 

Remus looked over from his station. "What's so funny?"

"It rhymes," he smiled. "Jesus, Remus."

Remus suppressed a grumpy eye roll and handed Sirius his coffee.

"Thanks," Sirius muttered and took a sip. "Blegh, so sweet."

"I've got a sweet tooth," Remus yawned, deciding to take a huge swig of his cup.

"You never told me what you're studying," Sirius said.

Remus shrugged. "Why's it matter?"

"You're my friendly neighborhood barista, I need to learn all I can," Sirius said sarcastically.

"Biochem," Remus said quickly, taking another sip.

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Ah."

"Huh?"

"Thought you'd be more of a nursing guy, or maybe English," Sirius said, his face still surprised.

"And you've thought about this, why?" Remus asked.

Sirius grinned. "Like I've said, you're my friendly neighborhood barista. I wanted to fill in the blanks."

"Hmph," Remus said.

"Why don't you sit? No one else is here."

Remus wanted to refuse, but he was just so inviting, and charismatic, and that smile... so, "Sure." Remus pulled a stool out and set it on the opposite side of the bar from Sirius. "Don't have anywhere to be?"

Sirius shook his head. "Nah. I don't have a job or any responsibilities other than seeing my friends and they're all sleeping, probably. Except maybe Prongs."

"What a weird name," Remus said, then immediately put a hand over his mouth, realizing how rude that had been. 

To his surprise, Sirius began laughing. "It's just his nickname. 'Cuz his hair used to stick up like a fork in secondary. Anyway, he's got a kid. Eighteen month old. Wouldn't be surprised if he was awake with him right now."

"Wow. Nicknames. Do you have one?"

"Yeah. Padfoot," Sirius explained, "Like my name. The dog star or whatever. It's a pun."

"Yeah, I get it," Remus said, fascinated at the fact that this man and his friends all have nicknames for each other. "Kinda nerdy that you all had nicknames."

Sirius snorted. "Yeah, wanna know what we called ourselves? We had a group name."

"Oh god..."

"We were called the Marauders. We were all constantly in detention and shit, and we thought we were so cool."

"That's very nerdy, I take back my 'kinda' statement," Remus smiled.

Sirius chuckled and looked down at his hands. "Yeah, it is very nerdy. But when we got to college, thank God we laid off the 'cool kids' facade, because we would've been eaten alive."

"Probably," Remus said. "Your friend has a kid? How old are you all?"

"Twenty-one. He's married," Sirius clarified. "So... not that scandalous."

Remus laughed. He couldn't imagine being married with a kid, let alone at twenty-one. So he learned more about this Prongs character, and his red-haired wife, and thought he could listen for hours. Well, an hour. He had to stop listening when his co-worker Jake came in and began ranting very loudly about an old woman smoking on the public transport and how his lungs hurt and it was just _so awful,_ until he saw there was a customer in. Then, he apologized profusely and asked Remus not to tell Christine (their manager). And Remus promised, and laughed it off because he knew Sirius didn't mind.

Except he didn't really know Sirius, so how could he know if he cared or not? Sirius was a customer. Remus wasn't allowed to have a crush on him. And he didn't. He was practically a stranger. Who came in every day and talked to him of all people. Maybe to talk to him. No, he came in for the coffee. 

But then why would he come right at opening?

Questions, questions. _Leave it be, Remus. Leave it be._

_-_

And then Sirius came agin Saturday. Exactly at 9:45. Remus assumed that Sirius had now memorized Remus' work schedule and was planning to come every single day of the week to talk to him. But, as much as he hated to admit it, Remus liked talking to someone. Well, Sirius did most of the talking and Remus just listened while he cleaned or made coffee or texted his mum back, but it was still nice. His co-workers started to notice it, well, only Maggie did because Jake was thick and the other ones never paid attention to what was going on at work. Maggie asked if Sirius was his "boy toy" and then proceeded to tell Remus that "two bottoms don't make a top," and Remus really was not in the mood to correct her or call her homophobic, so he just laughed politely and moved along. Remus had been giving more thought to socialization than he usually did, and he noticed that after actually putting thought into what he wore to school. He had never done that before.

Not that he had any sense of style, anyway. He was already going gray and giving in to the older style was something he was down to do. Sweaters, corduroy. He looked stupid in anything else because of his ridiculous height of 6'5 and long skinny legs that made him look like a daddy long legs spider. And also, who literally gives a fuck what you wear? Being presentable was not something of importance at this time in his life. But, alas, he found himself contemplating whether two colours complemented each other or not, which he had never done. It was something his mother would've done, maybe.

Sirius always looked nice, even though he always said he had nowhere to be.

_I'll give you somewhere to be,_ Remus wanted to say. But didn't. Because he was not _that_ desperate, god!

He had work off Sunday and no class, obviously, so he decided to take a little trip to the library and check out a few new books. Whatever looked interesting. He had a very boring childhood and all he could do was read every book he could get his hands on. His mum didn't let him watch television much, she said it would strain his eyes. So, books. And academic articles. At twelve.

He muttered a quick hello to the librarian who he had somewhat befriended over the years he had been at school, and marched into the science section. He spent at least twenty minutes browsing, taking books out, reading the summaries, until he found one that he thought might be interesting, and was on a subject he didn't know much about.

A book on the neuroscience of dogs and decoding a canine mind. 

_Oh._

He laughed, as he hadn't realized it immediately. Padfoot! It was perfect. The handsome man was now infiltrating his subconscious and making him suddenly interested in dog brains. Perhaps Sirius had a dog brain. He was very nice and smiled a lot. And that settled it. Remus was going to now learn all about dogs, for fun. He had finished his school work. Maybe he could impress Sirius with his dog knowledge on Monday.

Maybe Sirius hated dogs.

That thought entered one ear and exited the other, as Remus decided firmly that Sirius was still the dog star, so whether or not Sirius liked dogs or not was irrelevant to the situation and to Remus' research. He walked back over to the librarian's desk, said another hello and placed the book on the counter. She swiped it, said, "Interested in getting a dog, then?" Remus laughed and shook his head, replying simply that he was only interested in the science behind it. Nothing about Sirius, nothing about him having less than twenty pounds in his savings account so a dog is out of the question for at least five years. He left the library with a wave and the cold air brushed his face harshly. He shuddered and put the book in his bag, turning towards his flat. He wished he'd worn a thicker sweater. He remembered that thick, old smelling leather jacket that Sirius was wearing the first day they met. He wished that he had that jacket. Maybe he could ask to borrow it next time he saw him. No, that is the stupidest idea ever. But he would definitely ask for his phone number the next time he saw Sirius. That was the plan. Because they were just having such great chats, why not get his phone number?

On the thought of phones, Remus needed a new phone. He always felt like a burden when he couldn't be added to group chats for a project and someone had to relay information to him. Hopefully it wouldn't be a problem to-

"Remus?!"

Remus looked up. "Sirius?"

"Hiya! What are you doing here?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, erm, I'm just walking home," Remus said. 

Sirius nodded and Remus noticed how wide he was smiling. "I just left home actually. I'm going to the cinema. Care to come?"

"Can't afford it," Remus muttered. "Sorry."

Sirius shrugged it off and scoffed, "No need to apologize. Like to come to my place, then?"

"Oh, um," Remus knew he ought to say no, because he didn't really know Sirius that well, and what if he got kidnapped? Or brutally murdered? "Why not? I've got nowhere to be."

_Damnit._

Sirius grinned and grabbed Remus' wrist. Not his hand. "I'll show you."

He pulled him into an apartment building only a couple meters away and instantly Remus realized that Sirius was very well off because there were hard wood floors, decorative potted plants, and art on the walls and it was only the lobby. They entered the elevator in silence, both silently realizing how weird it was that two young boys who barely knew each other were now going up to Sirius' apartment. And it was a very impulsive decision from both of them. Remus felt very antsy in the enclosed space, which was literally half the size of his place, and couldn't wait to get out and breathe again. And when the elevator door chimed, he sighed with relief and followed Sirius out and down the hall. The floors were carpeted with a pattern, and the walls were white, very modern, decorated with paintings that looked Andy Warhol-esque. Remus liked the vibe.

Sirius pulled a key out of his back pocket and opened the door to apartment number 612. He held it open for Remus and said cheekily, "Mi casa es su casa."

"Your accent was horrible," Remus retorted and walked in, already feeling his face turn hot from embarrassment. The living room was chic. It was open, the kitchen, dining and living space all in one place, and all the appliances and furniture looked very expensive. Remus couldn't help but wonder what the cost of the place was. Or how Sirius got all this money!

"Well, come in," Sirius said, noticing Remus just gaping at his surroundings.

"Sorry," Remus said softly, and joined Sirius over by the television.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus' embarrassment continued the entirety of his visit to Sirius'. Sirius put on a movie and his TV screen was four times the size of Remus', and he had three couches. Remus did not really pay attention to the film because it was in French, it was a drama, and he was too anxious to even ask for the subtitles to be turned on. As time went on and Remus finally slouched into the very comfortable couch, it sunk in that he was literally in a stranger's house. He did not know this man well at all. But for some reason, this did not add to his anxiety the way he thought it would. He thought initially that maybe he'd be anxious about, you know, getting murdered or kidnapped or worse. But no. He was anxious about how he looked. First impressions, all that. Which even he, in his state of slight panic, could see the humor in. But Sirius seemed to be enjoying the film, and he had probably seen in before, because he occasionally pulled out his cellphone. Another thing Remus felt embarrassed about. If he pulled out his phone, he was afraid Sirius would judge him or call him poor or something. Remus found himself staring at Sirius as he got lost in his anxious state of mind, and pulled away from his gaze as soon as he noticed.

_God, you're such a weirdo, Remus._

And then Sirius offered him popcorn, and obviously Remus took up the offer. Any opportunity for free food. And so Sirius got up and put a bag of popcorn in the microwave. Remus was honestly half expecting Sirius to have a full popcorn machine, like the ones they have at movie theaters. But alas, he apparently was not _that_ extra.

"Get out often?" Sirius asked from the kitchen.

"Nah, too busy with school," Remus replied. "Do you speak French?"

"Yep," Sirius said brightly, bringing the popcorn over to Remus. "French and Hebrew."

Remus nodded, almost impressed. "I only remember like two words from Hebrew school."

Sirius laughed, then said, "Hated Hebrew school. I cried and screamed in the mornings and would tear off my clothes."

"I didn't mind it," Remus said.

Sirius shrugged, turned to the TV, then chuckled loudly. "Oh god, I didn't even realize that the subtitles weren't on. Do you want me to turn them on?"

"No, it's fine. I wasn't paying attention anyways," Remus teased, met with a wink from Sirius.

"Fine," Sirius teased. "Well, would you like to watch something in English? Something Jewish, perhaps?"

Remus laughed. "Fine by me. Just not _An American Tail_. Hate that stupid mouse."

-

**Monday**

Monday rolled around and Remus was not looking forward to his 8 a.m lab. He loved the class and the professor, he just wished it wasn't at 8 in the morning. He stayed at Sirius' apartment until four, then went home and read the entire dog brain book that he had so been looking forward to. It was weird being at Sirius' place. It was weird how it all happened, Sirius just grabbed him off the side of the road and pulled him into his place. He must've really wanted to be Remus' friend.

 _Friend,_ Remus told himself. _Friend, and customer. Ugh._

Maybe Sirius wasn't even gay. Maybe he just really wanted to be Remus' friend. Remus had had a problem in the past of getting his hopes up with men, and then getting his heart absolutely crushed by them. But Sirius... barely knew anything about him. And he barely knew anything about Sirius. Just his coffee order, his university degree, and his being trilingual. He thought about this all the way to the science building, which was now muscle memory for him. He walked into the sterile lab and set his bag down at his usual station, where his classmate Lara had already settled. He pulled out the stool and sat down. 

"Hey Lara."

"Hey Remus," she smiled, looking up from her notebook. "Sleep alright? We've got that exam today."

And Remus' heart froze. "Oh god, we do."

"Oh," she said.

"Oh god," he repeated.

"You'll be fine," she said, reassuringly.

He shook his head and put a hand on his forehead, starting to feel light headed. He could hear her speaking faintly to him, but could not understand her. Her voice faded into the background as he began hyperventilating, his vision tunneling as well. He felt a heavy hand on his back and a voice starting to come into the foreground, telling him to take deep breaths. So he tried to breathe, and he did. His vision began to return and he could now recognize the person as Lara, and she was waving her hand in front of his face.

"Oh god, you alright?" She asked.

He nodded and swallowed. "Fine. Just had a fit."

"Need anything? Tylonel?"

He shook his head. "Thanks."

"Alright."

He had completely forgotten about the exam, and quickly pulled out his notebook to review as Lara walked back to her seat. He scanned the sheet once or twice before the professor walked in and told them to come up and grab the tests and bubble sheets. Remus still felt a little dizzy, so walking was a challenge. A thought crossed his mind that he had to immediately shut down or else he wouldn't be able to focus on his exam.

He finished his exam pretty confidently. He had never not studied for an exam before, and he felt anxiety that maybe he _thought_ he knew it, but didn't, because he didn't study enough. Actually, he always thought that. But on days that he had studied, he definitely felt way better about his abilities. He finished his exam before class ended, and he was dismissed early. He packed up his bag, used the restroom, and headed straight for the shop.

He walked in through the front door at 9:30, fifteen minutes before his shift started. He went to the back, changed, and decided to get a quick head start on some homework for the physics course he was taking. It was a pretty boring class, and Remus hated the math. But it was required for his degree, so getting done with it would be good.

Time flew, and it was 9:45. He walked into the main shop, got to his station, and right on cue, Sirius walked in the door.

Remus realized he didn't know Sirius' last name. 

Weird.

"Hiya Remus," Sirius said with a smile, as he made his way over to the bar. "How's my friendly neighborhood barista doing?"

"Doing great," Remus said. "What can I get you today?"

"Hmmm..." Sirius dragged out, then made eye contact and grinned. "Your phone number first? I didn't get it yesterday."

Remus felt the blood drain from his face. The butterflies were back. "Uh, yeah," he stuttered. "Let me just-"

"Write it on the cup? I'll just get an Americano. I've got to run soon," Sirius said. 

Remus nodded and grabbed the cup, quickly scribbling his phone number onto it, alongside Sirius' name. He fired up the espresso machine and smiled at Sirius as he did it. He put the lid on the coffee and handed it to Sirius, in exchange for the payment in exact change.

"Thanks, have a good day," Remus said.

"You too," Sirius said, leaving quickly, sipping his coffee.

-

**Hello! This Remus?**

Remus looked down at his phone and read the small print, smiling.

_**Yeah, is this Sirius** _

**Mhm. Free tomorrow?**

_**After 6.** _

**Want to come watch another movie?**

_**Yeah, sure** _

Remus was consciously making the decision to sound brief and not desperate, because he wasn't!! Also, he always kept texts brief because he hated pressing three times for Cs and Fs and Is.

**Cool. I'll feed you :)**

Remus laughed at the text. He was lying on his side in his bed, cackling, probably looking like a maniac. He didn't know why. It wasn't even that funny.

_**Ooh, what ;)** _

**It's a surprise.**

_**Takeaway?** _

**Maybe.**

_**What's your last name btw?** _

**Black. Yours?**

_**Lupin** _

**Wolf!**

_**Oh shut up** _

**Don't think I will.**

_**Goodnight, see you tmrw** _

**Yep, see you xx**

Remus closed his phone and placed it on his nightstand. He avoided the sounds of neighbors fighting and drifted into a very peaceful slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been very busy with school so i'm sorry if this is ass xx

**Halloween**

Remus went to Sirius' place on Tuesday and they watched _Bohemian Rhapsody,_ per Sirius' suggestion. Remus thought that this was definitely Sirius' way of coming out to Remus. Remus had not seen it yet, even though he did really like Queen and biopics in general, he just wasn't much of a movie guy. And he couldn't afford to go to the cinema or rent the movie from a Redbox. But it was a more intimate movie watching experience in Remus' opinion- they even sat on the same couch and shared a bowl of popcorn. No physical touching, which was fine. Remus still wasn't even sure if Sirius wanted anything more. Even Remus wasn't sure if he was ready for that just yet. Not after the last one he had.

_Don't think about it._

Sirius came in on Wednesday and talked for half an hour before asking for his coffee to be reheated and leaving. Sirius came into the coffee shop Thursday morning and couldn't stay for long again, which was fine, because Remus had reading to do and notes to take, and a slow day at the shop was usually a nice time for him to get that done. He sat on the stool next to the espresso machine and pulled his textbook, notebook and pencil out of his bag. He flipped to the page and began diligently reading, subsequently blocking out the music and soft talking going on around him. He read, studied diagrams, took lots of notes and admired his improved handwriting (he had made it his 2019 New Year's Resolution to improve his handwriting). Maggie took care of new customers coming in as he worked hard.

And then it hit. The anxiety, the pain in his muscles, the migraine and the fatigue. He tried to sit up straight to pack up his bag but he could barely move his arms; they felt so heavy. He felt as though the world around him was fading away and he was just going to fall asleep forever. His limbs felt heavy, his head was banging, his stomach hurt from the anxiousness. He needed to go lie down. He let his head fall onto the counter and he waved a hand and tried to make a grunt for Maggie to notice him. Remus was never one to complain, but when his condition began acting up he had learned that asking for help was better than spending hours trying to get home. He felt himself falling asleep and tried to stop himself, and Maggie grabbed his hand.

"'Orright love?" She asked, pulling him up.

He nodded. "Need to lie down," he managed to get out.

She looked him in the eyes. "Let's get you a cab home, then?"

He shook his head. "No money."

"Don't be silly," she smiled and hoisted him up, supporting him on her shoulder. She threw his backpack over her shoulder and helped him hobble outside, where she stuck her hand out a cab pulled over. The smell of gasoline and pollution was only making Remus feel worse. He gagged once, heard Maggie say, "Oh gawd." Gagged twice and then vomited on the sidewalk. Maggie pushed him into the cab and cradled his head. She told the driver his street name and Remus whispered a thank you.

Although he hated vomiting because of how much it reminded him of his time in chemo treatment, he did feel a lot better. The car ride was still nearly unbearable with his migraine and body aches, but quickly the cab driver pulled into the alley and Maggie was helping Remus out. He, thank god, lived on the first floor of the building, and Maggie opened the door for him, so he was in bed very quickly and out like a light. 

-

Remus was woken up by his phone buzzing off the hook. He rolled over towards his nightstand and noticed that it was now dark outside. _Fuck, he slept a long time._ He groaned, rubbed his temples and cracked his neck. He then remembered how Maggie had brought him home, paid for a cab- he knew he ought to get her flowers. He felt awful for making her do all that for him. God, she was sweet. Too sweet. _Shit_. His head was throbbing and his entire body was still aching with pain, but his phone was still fucking ringing, so he decided to check his phone in case it was his mum and something had... _no._ He picked his phone up off the table and saw it was... Sirius?! Why the hell was Sirius calling him right now?

"Hello?" Remus groaned.

"Happy Halloween!" Sirius slurred, "Come over! We're having a party!"

Remus sighed, Sirius was obviously drunk and he did not want to upset him. "Ugh, I'm sorry Sirius, I really can't."

"But why?" Sirius dragged it out like a teenage girl, Remus assumed it was only teasing.

"I'm not well," Remus said. He added, "Sorry."

He heard Sirius huff. "You're ill?"

"Uh, yeah," Remus said, hoping Sirius wasn't mad. "Mind if I call you later? I've got a monster headache."

"Okay Remus," Sirius said, then burst into giggles. "See you tomorrow, my favorite barista!"

"See you tomorrow, my favorite customer."

Remus slammed his phone shut and pulled the blankets over himself once more.

Having Chronic Fatigue sucked balls, especially when he'd just been invited to a party that he would've actually been interested in going to if he hadn't felt so awful. And now he was very thirsty, which meant he had to get out of bed. He rolled into a sitting position and planted his feet on the crappy carpet and forced himself to stand up, resulting in his head spinning and his slight nausea returning. He walked to his sink and pulled out a glass and filled it up with cold water (or at least he was praying it would come out cold) and took a long sip. He drank the entire glass in one go, which he would've laughed at if he wasn't in so much pain. He set the glass down on the counter and made the journey back to his bed. He realized he was still in his jeans and wearing shoes, so once he sat on the bed, he kicked off his shoes and pulled off his jeans. Maybe Maggie wasn't as generous as he thought. Still, she did more than he'd every ask of her.

He crawled under the covers and tried not to think about the idea of having someone to take care of him again. When his mother was healthy, she would come over in an instant if he felt any sort of bad and completely take him into her care. But now that _she_ was ill and bound to a hospital bed, there was really no chance of her coming to his rescue. And then with his ex, it was always, "You're faking it," "You just want attention," "Suck it up." He shuddered and shut off his thoughts, trying to get back to sleep and hopefully wake up feeling refreshed and okay.

-

Remus was once again awoken, but now by his phone this time. This time, someone was knocking on his door. This was very scary. Who the hell could it be? Were they going to kill him? He did live in a shitty area of London with high crime... it was probably Maggie coming to check up on him. He looked at his phone and it was midnight. Ugh. He yelled,

"Who is it?"

"Sirius! Let me in Remus!" Sirius slurred, still drunk.

Remus gasped, mortified that Sirius had found his flat. How he found it was not even crossing his mind at the moment, all he was thinking about was how small and dirty and infested the place was. And how awful it looked from the outside! The surroundings were horrid! He had been to Sirius' apartment, and it did not stack up in one way. He got like thirty seconds of hot water a day, for god's sake. Remus hesitated, but got up to open the door. He unlocked it and opened it wide, revealing Sirius standing with a brown paper bag, and a nice-ish car waiting in the alley, presumedly for him.

"What are you doing here?" Remus said very groggily. Standing up still felt exhausting.

Sirius grinned. "Brought you chicken soup. It's anti-biotic!"

Remus took the bag being offered and couldn't help but smile. "Thanks."

"I made my mate drive me here, that stupid bloke," Sirius said, too loud. 

"Uh huh," Remus said, nodding. "Sorry if I sound like a dick but I really need to get a good nights rest so if you could... y'know..."

"I will leave you alone," Sirius smiled, putting a hand on Remus' shoulder. He missed it a few times before actually landing on the shoulder. "Let me know if you need anything."

Remus smiled back, as much as he could. "Is your friend sober? Will you be safe?"

"Yep, Prongs does not drink, he's got that stupid baby. Fuckin' love that kid," Sirius said.

"Okay," Remus said. "Goodnight."

"Night, Re, see you on the morrow!" He yelled as he ran back to the car.

Remus slammed the door and opened the bag. He smiled instinctively at the gesture of having soup brought to him. He didn't know what he was getting himself into, but whatever it was, he had an inkling he'd like it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pov shift alert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> i have school off today so i'm vibin x

Sirius woke up in the mid-afternoon on November 4th, the day after his 22nd birthday. He had gotten absolutely pissed the night before and knew he'd have to nurse a massive hangover for the entire next day. Lily and James had hired a babysitter and came to his party (neither of them drank still, what wonderful people they were), and Marlene and Mary came over and got pissed as well. When he woke up, both of them were still passed out in bed with him. He chuckled and sat up, reaching over to grab his water bottle and take a huge sip. Water dribbled down his chin but he didn't care. He had a mild headache, but otherwise, it was not that bad of a hangover. Thank god. Maybe with his old age he was getting better at handling alcohol.

_Ha._

He looked up at the clock and gasped. He had missed Remus' shift at Coffee Traders. He wondered if maybe he should call him, but decided against it incase he looked too desperate. He decided that after he ate, he would text him and apologize. Maybe invite him over? He still felt bad about showing up at Remus' flat unannounced on Halloween. Even though when he had initially apologized Remus said it was fine and he actually appreciated the gesture, Sirius still felt really bad. He was really drunk and James told him it was a bad idea, but once Sirius found the address online, he was set on going. Remus didn't pry on how Sirius found his address, which was good because Sirius was still very embarrassed at his stalker-ish behaviour.

God, he was creepy. Oops. 

He walked slowly to the kitchen, making sure not to wake Mary and Marlene. He opened the fridge and looked for eggs. Then, his phone buzzed. He looked over and smiled to himself when he saw the name.

_**Remus: Missed you today :((((((((((((((((((((((((((** _

Sirius laughed at the obvious sarcasm of the text and pulled his phone close to text back.

**Sirius: Sorry mate. :( Overslept bc of my birthday bash**

_**Remus: Birthday? U didn't tell me it was your birthday** _

**Sirius: My bad. 22 baby!**

_**Remus: Well happy belated birthday then** _

_**Remus: I'll make sure ur coffee is extra special tmrw** _

**Sirius: ;)**

_**Remus: Haha** _

Sirius set his phone down and went back to pull out the eggs. He was still grinning at Remus saying he wanted to hang out. Well, he didn't exactly say that. He just said that he missed Sirius and would make him a special coffee tomorrow, which was definitely a joke. But it still made his heart warm that Remus noticed his absence.

Sirius hated the fact that he was crushing so hard on this tall, handsome barista man. Cute little Jewish science major. Not little, tall. Four inches taller than Sirius. And Sirius was 6'1. It had been merely two weeks since the two first met each other and Sirius was already on his feet planning the right way to sweep him off of his feet. Slight flirting, chicken noodle soup, coming in for coffee every day, then eventually asking him out to a nice dinner. A really, really nice dinner. With steaks and fancy wine. He thought about maybe actually taking Remus to a museum, because Remus seemed like a museum guy. Even if he was pissed, he saw his apartment; filled with books and notebooks probably full of Remus' observations. So adorable. How could Sirius resist a crush? 

He was very drunk the previous night, but he briefly remembered him telling James about Remus. He couldn't remember what he said or how they got on the topic, but they were talking about Remus. Remus, Remus, Remus. Remus Lupin. What a name. A name that raises eyebrows more than Sirius.

One thing he remembered Lily saying the night before was, "Why would his parents name him after the one that died?!"

Sirius decided that that would be his next conversation starter with Remus.

His phone began ringing. He reached over and answered it, put it on speaker phone and returned to his cooking.

"Hello?"

"Hey buddy," James said brightly. "Any way you can watch Harry? Lily just called me, they need her at the hospital and I can't get off work. Just till 5:30."

"Yep, drop him over," Sirius said.

James sighed, relieved. "Thanks Sirius. Lily'll be there in a few minutes, she says."

"Alright, love you," Sirius smiled.

"Love you too," James said and hung up.

Sirius turned off the stove and got the hot sauce out of his fridge. He poured a good amount into the pan and mixed it around with the eggs, as well as some salt and pepper. He scraped it with a spatula onto a plate and took it over to his island to eat. He scrolled through his phone while he scarfed down the meal and saw a text from Lily. 

**Lily: Almost there**

**Sirius: Got it :)**

Sirius put his plate in the sink and grabbed a glass of water.

"Mornin'," Marlene said, emerging from the bedroom, causing Sirius to spill his water.

"Jesus, Marls, you startled me," Sirius chuckled. "You and Mary have to get out of here soon. I'm watching Harry for a bit."

"Ughhh," Marlene groaned. "Not gonna make me breakfast?"

"It's two in the afternoon," Sirius said.

Marlene huffed sarcastically and went back into the bedroom, emerging once again with Mary.

"Hi Sirius," Mary smiled. Her hair was all fucked up and she was staring at her phone. "Thanks for letting us stay the night."

"I didn't really let you do anything," Sirius said. "We all just fell asleep."

"And had a threesome," Marlene joked, prompting Mary to elbow her. "Ow."

Sirius laughed and walked closer. "I need you to go please. I want alone time with Harry."

"Just get your own kids," Mary teased. 

Sirius began ushering them out, opening the door for them. "Goodbye. I'll talk to you both later."

"Sirius!" Lily said loudly from a few feet away. She was holding Harry on her hip. "Thank you so much for being able to watch him so last minute. The hospital called me, they're low staffed right now and-"

"It's no problem Lily. I'm always here," Sirius smiled, reaching out for Harry. "Hi my friend."

Lily handed Harry and a bag of things to Sirius and said one last thank you before running back to the elevator and yelling for Mary and Marlene to keep it open.

"Padfoot!" Harry babbled. Sirius melted.

-

Sirius and Harry watched _The Lion King_ , because it was Harry's favorite movie. He could babble along with some of the songs and liked to say "Simba!" whenever he came on screen. Also "Hakuna Matata," which in Harry's language was pronounced, "Hanunamanatata." Sirius bounced Harry in his lap during the songs and sang along and made Harry's arms dance. It always made Harry laugh. At 4:30, Sirius made dinner for the two of them. He sat Harry up on the couch watching _Arthur,_ which really made Sirius feel nostalgic. He brought the plates of Mac and Cheese over to the couch (Harry's in a plastic bowl, obviously) and set up a towel beneath Harry so he wouldn't spill. Sirius enjoyed the time he spent with Harry, especially when Harry was feeling talkative, and babbled to Sirius until his energy completely crashed. Sirius, over the past month and a half that Harry had been really starting to talk, started to understand Harry talk. Harry talked about football, about cars, about the telly, about his mummy and daddy. Sirius would ask questions, Harry would answer. Harry would reach out and touch Sirius' stubble, or pull on his hair, or just give him a cuddle and a kiss. Sirius, if he could, would become Harry's full time babysitter. He really loved kids. He knew he wasn't ready for his own yet, because he wasn't even committing to a career, how could he commit to having a child? But one day, he really wanted one. Or two. Or three, even. He just wanted to give a child a happy life, with supportive parents, who would never do anything to hurt their children. 

Hopefully Remus wanted kids.

_God, Sirius. You think way too far ahead._

At 5:30, Harry was yawning and cuddling up to Sirius. Sirius got up when he heard James knocking on the door and opened it. James came in and picked his very sleepy son up and left quickly, because the car was not parked legally. Sirius said goodbye, telling both of them he loved them, and shut the door. As he walked back to the couch, he found himself yawning as well. He changed the show from _Arthur_ to _The Good Place,_ which he had seen about a hundred thousand times. At this point, he didn't even watch it, it was just background noise. James and Lily were always telling him that he ought to try something new sometime, but he always refused, because he hated not knowing what was going to happen.

"Well then just rewatch something else, for fucks sake."

And no, he wouldn't. His rule was anything that he had watched with Reggie was off limits, and that applied to movies as well. No _Napolean Dynamite,_ no _American Pie,_ no _40 Year-Old Virgin,_ and no _Borat._ Oh god, never _Borat._ It was Regulus' favorite movie, and whenever someone made a reference to it, Sirius recoiled. It brought back memories of Regulus sneaking into Sirius' room in the middle of the night and the boys watching those stupid American comedies in bed, laughing their butts off. Those were some of Sirius' most precious memories, but also the memories he decided to avoid. It was unfortunate, because James also really liked a lot of these movies, but had made it a point to respect Sirius' wishes and not watch them.

He fell asleep after a few episodes. 

He woke abruptly to his phone ringing. He grabbed it and rubbed his eyes. It was Remus. He quickly answered it, excited.

"Hello?"

"Hey, sorry, Sirius, I just, I just need a favour, I'm so sorry to ask this it's just-" 

Remus sounded very panicked, and Sirius began to worry. He cut him off, "What is it?"

"They just called me and my mums apparently getting a lot worse and I need to go to the hospital but I can't afford the tube and I couldn't walk there anyway because it's pouring and I'll get really sick and I don't know anyone else with a car and can you drive me please?"

"Yes," Sirius said calmly. "Where are you?"

"My flat," Remus replied, his voice still high and panicked.

Sirius grabbed his car keys and made his way out of the apartment. "I'm coming now."

"Thank you, thank you," Remus sighed. 

"I'll be right there," Sirius said, in the elevator on the way down to the parking garage. "Want me to stay on the phone? Is your mum alright?"

"I don't know, the..."

Sirius unlocked his car and got in. All he could hear on the other line was breathing. "You there, Remus?"

"Yeah, I feel like I'm gonna pass out."

"Five minutes, Remus. You're gonna be okay."

"Okay. I'm gonna- I'm gonna pee. When you get here just call me back."

"Okay," Sirius said, and Remus hung up.

Sirius focused hard on the road, trying to get there as fast as possible. He had put the street name in his car navigation just to get the quickest route, and in less than five minutes, he was turning into the alley way. He called Remus, and without answering, Remus came running out of his flat. He opened the passenger door and got in.

"Which hospital?" Sirius asked, his hand hovering over the navigation system.

"Mile End," Remus answered quickly.

"Fuck, okay," Sirius typed it in and made a turn out of the alley.

They sat in silence as Sirius drove in the pouring rain.

"I'm sorry about your mum," Sirius said, finally breaking the silence.

"She's been sick for a year or so," Remus said quietly. "Thank you for driving me."

"Of course," Sirius said. "Would you like heat? Or music?"

Remus just shook his head and stared out the window. "She's gonna die, I think. Not today, but the doctor..."

"I'm so sorry," Sirius said.

"It's okay," Remus said, his voice beginning to break. "I'm so sorry to cry, I just..."

"No, I get it Remus, don't apologize," Sirius said genuinely. He smiled and put a hand on Remus' shoulder. "I'll wait for you as long as you need."

Remus looked up at Sirius and wiped his tears quickly with his sleeve. "You really don't need to do that."

"I will," Sirius smiled. "Anything, seriously. I know how it feels to... yeah."

Sirius retracted his hand from the shoulder and Remus held onto it. Sirius inhaled sharply and let Remus intertwine their fingers together.

They held hands until they reached the hospital and Sirius had to reach over for his carpark ticket. He parked quickly and Remus unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Would you like me to come in?" Sirius asked.

Remus hesitated, but nodded. "If you want, please."

Sirius nodded and followed him into the hospital, Remus leading him exactly where they needed to go.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: disease, mention of death & suicide  
> still sirius pov, then shift to remus partway through  
> happy saturday x

Sirius had been waiting in the chair directly outside Remus' mum's hospital room for an hour and a half. He had tried not to listen in on what was happening in the room but it was really hard to ignore. What he knew now, was that Remus' mum had stage four melanoma, and it had spread to her brain, and they were going to do an emergency surgery in the morning. Sirius heard Remus yelling about how it could be fatal, and them he heard the doctor say that she would die if they didn't do it. Sirius was beginning to feel very anxious. Why did he have to be the one to bring Remus? Obviously they were friends and Sirius wanted to help him, but this was... a lot. He wanted to call James and ask what to do or what to say to Remus when he came out of the room but also didn't want to bother him, and didn't want to seem rude by going on his phone. So he waited. He waited until 10:30, when Remus came out of the room looking exhausted. He sat down on the chair next to Sirius and sighed.

"Are you okay? Is she okay?" Sirius asked quietly.

"I don't know. They told me to go home and they'll call me in the morning after her surgery but I don't know if I want to leave her..."

"You need to sleep," Sirius said.

Remus rested his head on his hand and sighed. "I know. I can't."

"Why don't you come to my place. We'll get some takeaway and I'll set you up on the couch so you don't have to be alone, and then I'll take you back here in the morning," Sirius suggested.

Remus looked at Sirius, shocked. "That sounds really nice. But you know you don't need to do that. You've already done so much..."

"Don't. I understand, really," Sirius smiled. He would've grabbed Remus' hand, but he didn't really want to initiate that while Remus was in this state. "And I don't have a job, anyway."

Remus chuckled softly and ran a hand through his hair. "Fuck. Thank you so much. You really don't know how much I appreciate it."

"No problem," Sirius muttered. They sat in silence for thirty seconds or so, Sirius wanting to give Remus breathing room. "Ready to go?"

Remus looked around and nodded. Sirius noticed deep bags under his eyes. They stood up and walked out of the hospital and back to the carpark. Sirius paid for the parking and led a very tired and upset Remus to the car. They got into their respective seats and Sirius took off. It was pouring rain worse than when they had arrived at the hospital and it was making Sirius sleepy. He yawned as he merged onto the highway.

"Yeah, me too," Remus said. "Can we put on music?"

"Yeah, sure. You can connect to the aux," Sirius said, gesturing to the center.

Remus turned away. "Oh, um. My phone can't um... I have a Nokia."

"Oh, okay," Sirius said. He grabbed his phone and plugged it into the chord and put on some beats. "This okay?"

"Yeah," Remus said.

The drive, that would've otherwise only been about fifteen minutes, was made longer by an accident on the highway that caused them to get back to Sirius' place at 11:15. The boys were both yawning by the time they reached the apartment, and the rain was still pounding hard on the windows. Sirius asked Remus if he still wanted to order in or if he was okay with microwavable Mac and Cheese (which would be Sirius' second time that day) and Remus said that was fine. They turned on the television, Sirius letting Remus choose something on Netflix as he made the food. Remus put on _Derry Girls,_ after saying, "Oh, Maggie's always saying I should watch this." Sirius brought over the bowls and water cups and gave one to Remus.

"Tea?" Sirius offered.

Remus shook his head. "Nah, don't want to bother you more."

"It's not a bother, really," Sirius said, getting up. "Sugar? Milk?"

"Um, yeah, put a load of milk in and like two sugars," Remus said.

Sirius threw up a thumbs up and made Remus tea. He felt really bad for Remus, and was really willing to do anything for him. He seemed very sweet and very unstable in the moment. Sirius followed Remus' exact instructions and brought the tea over to him.

"Here," Sirius handed the cup to him and took his seat. "Just letting you know, this is not a bother. I'm really willing to help. I know how you feel, really."

Remus took a breath. "Did your mum or dad pass?"

"No, not them. They're alive. I think. My brother died, though."

Remus furrowed his brow. "I'm sorry."

"All good," Sirius said. He tried to laugh to break the tension, but nothing came out. 

"When did your brother die?" Remus asked.

"When I was nineteen."

Remus sighed. "How?"

Sirius shook his head, giving a face that he didn't want to talk about it. 

"Of course," Remus smiled. "I'm tired anyway..."

Sirius nodded, "Me too. I'll get you blankets and stuff."

-

**Remus**

Remus turned off the television and finished his food by the time Sirius came back into the living room with a huge blanket and a pillow. Remus stood up and let Sirius make up the couch into a bed. He had never felt so grateful to anyone in his entire life. Sirius was bending over backwards to help Remus, and he was shocked. No one had ever done something for him so willingly, except for maybe his mother. But now she was... dying. Remus, who was someone who had literally never prayed in his entire life, found himself praying that his mother survived, at least for another month. His mother had been awake for about five minutes when he was at the hospital, and he had begged her to hold on. And all she told him was she'd try, but it was out of her control. Remus was hurting very bad. It was like when his dad died but a hundred times worse. His dad had... issues his entire life, and Remus didn't find out how his dad really died until he was seventeen. His mother sat him down on the bed and told him. And that talk was more traumatic than his dad's actual death. He knew that realistically his mum would be dead before the new year, but he really didn't want to believe it. He wanted to believe that she would make a full recover. Something in him told him that he shouldn't hold onto hope, he should mentally prepare himself for what was to come. 

He became suddenly uncomfortable. Sirius taking him in like a lost child, a stray, he felt so hopeless, so _small._ When Sirius patted the sofa after finishing making it up, Remus began crying. He felt so embarrassed, but everything just overwhelmed him.

"Oh fuck, what's wrong?" Sirius asked, putting a hand on Remus' shoulder.

Remus shook his head and sniffled. "Nothing. I'm sorry."

"Please stop apologizing," Sirius smiled, "You're handling this beautifully."

Remus didn't know what to say, so he just encompassed Sirius in a hug, which Sirius responded to very well. He hugged back tight, protectively holding Remus for what seemed like a very long time. Remus just cried into Sirius' shoulder; he was so much taller than the other boy. When Sirius finally pulled back, he put both his hands on Remus' shoulders.

"Get some rest," Sirius said softly.

Remus nodded and lifted up a hand to wipe his own tears. "I really needed that. Thanks."

"Of course," Sirius said. He sat on the couch. "Come sit."

Remus joined him and immediately put his head on Sirius' shoulder. He thought maybe he was pushing it was the physical contact, but Remus just craved it so much he didn't care. The comfort Sirius gave him was more than anything he could've ever wished for. 

Sirius kissed Remus on the top of the head and patted his thigh before standing up. "Go to sleep. I'll make you breakfast in the morning."

Remus chuckled and scooted over to get under the blanket. "Thank you again, Sirius. I really appreciate it."

"Of course, Remus. I'll do anything."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: mentions of death  
> tomorrow is february and february is always a bad month for me so lets pray together yall xx

Remus woke up at 9:30. He heard Sirius talking on the phone very quietly. Remus pushed the blankets off of himself and grabbed his phone to make sure he hadn't missed any calls. He hadn't. So she was still in surgery, then. He rolled out his neck and shoulders and walked over to the kitchen.

"Ohp, gotta go James. Talk to you later," Sirius said and hung up. He turned to Remus. "Sleep okay?"

Remus nodded. "Thanks."

"I made you breakfast," Sirius said, pointing to the plate next to him. "Want coffee? Tea? Water?"

Remus sat down at the island and began eating the eggs and toast in front of him. "Coffee?"

"Sugar and cream?" Sirius smiled, making his way towards his high end espresso machine.

"Please," Remus said. He chuckled. "If you have an espresso machine, why do you come to the coffee shop?"

Sirius shrugged and spoke loudly over the sounds of the beans grinding, "Well, the reason I came in that first time was because I needed beans. You don't sell beans. But all the other times after that were not for beans, or coffee," he handed Remus the mug, "If you know what I mean."

Remus blushed and took a sip of his coffee. He frowned. "Are you sure you aren't the barista?"

Sirius laughed. "Perhaps I should be. Screw the masters program."

Remus chuckled and took another sip, when suddenly, his phone rang. His body tensed up and he reached over to answer the call.

"It's gonna be okay," Sirius whispered.

Remus answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello, this is Dr. Hill, is this Remus Lupin?"

"Yes," Remus answered, his chest feeling heavy, and his brain bracing itself for bad news.

"Yes, so, the surgery went alright. But we're getting ready to move her into hospice."

Remus' mouth fell, and his eyes welled with tears. "What?"

"I'm so sorry lad. We're giving her two months or so. She's still unresponsive, but her will says she'd like to be moved to end of life care."

"When will- when will she be moved? Should I come to the hospital?" Remus asked, avoiding Sirius' glare.

"Come, she'll wake up in an hour, then we'll pack her things for her, unless she changes her mind."

"She won't, she's-" He took a sharp breath. "She told me she wanted to last night."

"Alright. We'll see you soon, then."

The call ended. He looked over at Sirius, who was biting his lip.

"Is she..."

"They're giving her two months. She's moving to hospice," Remus said, seconds before bursting into tears.

Sirius muttered something which Remus didn't catch, and wrapped him in a hug. Remus buried his face in the shorter boys chest, having to really hunch to do so. He did this subconsciously. Sirius's hands were wrapped tight around Remus, which felt right for Remus. Maybe it was the lack of affection for the past year and a half, or maybe he just really liked Sirius. And Sirius was so nice. And a boy had never been nice to Remus the way Sirius was being nice to him. Sirius was treating Remus with such generosity, and was being so careful with him. Sirius kissed Remus' forehead, and Remus looked up. Sirius looked him in the eye and smiled.

"It's going to be alright."

Remus kissed him very softly on the lips. "Thanks for taking care of me."

"Hey, it's no problem," Sirius said, grinning. He was blushing as well, and Remus could feel the heat radiating off of Sirius.

"I know it's a lot... but if you could lend me some money for the tube," Remus started, "I'll pay you back as soon as I can."

"I'm gonna drive you, Remus," Sirius stated.

"Really? You don't have to-"

Remus was cut off by his phone ringing. He walked over and saw it was Maggie. His heart stopped and he answered it.

"'ello love, are you coming in today? Your shift started five minutes ago."

Remus felt himself choking up again. "Fuck, Maggie, fuck. My mum is in hospital, she's gonna die... I'm... can you..."

"It's alright, Remus. I'll cover you."

Remus sighed. "Thank you so much Maggie. You don't know how much it means to me."

"Of course, I'm sending love to your mum."

"Thanks."

Remus slammed the phone shut and put his head in his hands.

"What?" Sirius frowned.

"Everyone is doing all of these things for me and I just feel like such a burden," Remus cried.

Sirius said, "No! No, Remus. You're not. I promise. I just want to help you."

Remus looked up and frowned. "Okay."

"When would you like to leave?" Sirius asked, carefully.

"Now?"

Sirius nodded and smiled. "Alright. I'll gather my things and we'll be off."

-

The car ride was short and Sirius held Remus' hand tightly the entire time. Remus tried not to cry due to fear of embarrassment, not wanting to scare Sirius off, and the fear that if he began crying he wouldn't stop before they reached the hospital. It was still raining, but not as hard as it had been the day before. Sirius had put on music, some classic rock, and Remus didn't ask him to turn it off, even though he really wanted quiet then. He did not want to make Sirius' day even worse by asking more of him. He felt bad enough that Sirius had to sit with him as he found out his mum would be dead in two months or less, and every other little thing would just add to that burden. Sirius occasionally would sing a line or just tap his fingers on the steering wheel. He spoke, as he was getting off the highway.

"Would you like me to come in with you again?"

Remus bit his lip. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I don't want you to be alone," Sirius said.

Remus slouched. "If it's too sad or if you just..."

"It's fine, Remus. I don't want to leave you alone," Sirius repeated.

"I just know it's a lot, and we've only just become friends, and you really don't have to if it's too sad."

"Damnit, Remus, if you don't want me to come in, just say that," Sirius said, suddenly agitated. He took a breath. "Sorry. I didn't sleep very well last night."

Remus shook his head and muttered, "It's fine." 

"Look, I won't come in with you if you don't want me to. I know that this is really hard for you, so honestly, I'd be happy to come in."

"I want you to come in," Remus said finally. 

"Lovely, I will then," Sirius said, seemingly at ease. 

Remus removed his hand from Sirius' grip. "Why are you doing all this?"

Sirius glanced at him, a look of confusing on his face. "'Cause I like you. 'Cause we're friends. I care. I want to help you out."

"Yeah, but..." Remus paused. "Sorry."

"No, what were you going to say?" Sirius asked. They were now pulling into the carpark.

"I guess no one's ever cared. Like you do, I guess."

Sirius frowned. "I'm sorry."

Remus shook his head. "Sorry. Shouldn't have brought it up. Sorry if I'm acting defensive."

"You're not!" Sirius said as he parked. "You can talk to me. I'm really sorry about your mum, Remus. I don't expect you to like, I don't know. Be normal and happy?"

Sirius unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over to kiss Remus on the cheek. "Let's go in."

-

"I'll visit you everyday, we'll make the most out of it," Remus promised his mother, through tears.

She smiled, very weakly. "Thank you, honey."

"I don't know what I'll do without you," Remus said.

"You'll get through," she said. "You don't look well. Have you been sleeping?"

Remus nodded. "I've just been worried, mum. And I have school, and work, and no money, and I might get evicted because I can't pay my rent..."

She shushed him and lifted her finger, telling Remus to grab her hand. "It will be okay. You're almost done with school, and I'll be with dad then."

He frowned at the mention of his father. Ever since he found out what really happened... "I really love you. I really don't want you to die. I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be alone," she insisted. "No one's alone, really."

"I'll bring a menorah to your hospice room," Remus said, changing the subject. "And we can have a family holiday."

She smiled, shook her head, and pat his hand. "Go home and watch some television, then go to sleep. I'll see you soon."

-

The drive back felt very long, and Remus felt very drained, and numb, honestly. Sirius was hungry and they went through a McDonald's drive thru. Remus ordered a Big Mac with fries and a large chocolate shake. The grease felt good to eat. Sirius, who should've had his eyes on the road, had his eyes on Remus nearly the entire drive. Remus had insisted on going back to his own flat, telling Sirius over and over again that he had "done too much." Sirius said that he disagreed, but wouldn't fight him on his decision to go back to his own flat. When they got there, Remus unbuckled his seatbelt and hugged Sirius and thanked him about seven times. He left the car, unlocked his flat, pushed the door open, took one look, and closed the door again. He turned around and saw Sirius smiling at him. Remus walked back over to the car and opened the door. 

"Let's go back to mine," Sirius said, grinning.


	8. Chapter 8

**Maggie: hello remus, coming in today? are you doing ok?**

Remus rubbed his eyes and read the text again. He groaned. He turned over and saw Sirius was still fast asleep, his mouth wide open. It was only 7:45. They had gone to bed very early, having just spent the remainder of the previous day watching films in Sirius' bed. Nothing happened. Remus didn't feel like having anything happen. He just liked having his arm around Sirius and the comfort of another person next to him. Remus had missed a class the day before, and he did not care. He had decided that after his shift at the shop, he would visit his professor's office and let her know what was going on. He hoped she would be compassionate. And it wasn't like he was behind in class, he was actually very ahead. But would that stop his worrying? No. He was also missing his 8 a.m Cell Biology and his 1:30 Chemistry Lab that day. His whole schedule was going to have to change around to accommodate his promise that he'd visit his mum in hospice every day. Perhaps he would try and save up for a bus pass so he could get some studying done on the ride to Mile End every night. Yes, that would work. How he'd get the money he didn't know. Maybe start stealing food from the shop instead of buying. No, he couldn't do that. What if he got fired or arrested? 

He snapped into reality and looked back down at his phone.

_**Remus: Hi Maggie, I'll be in today. My mum is in hospice now.** _

**Maggie: oh lord, im sorry. thats awful.**

_**Remus: It's okay. Thanks.** _

Remus snapped his phone shut and laid back down. He rolled over onto his side, facing Sirius. He took in the beauty of this man who was once, only two weeks ago, such a mystery to him, but now seemed like no stranger at all. He knew the dark blue eyes well, the perfect jawline and high cheekbones, the jet black hair that nearly touched his shoulder. He knew the shit eating grin, but also the tender, heartwarming smile and caring kiss on the forehead. He couldn't help but really liking Sirius. He had opened his home to him for two nights, driven him to the hospital twice, and just been a really great friend. He treated him with such compassion, there was something in Remus that was scared.

Sirius' eyes blinked opened and he met Remus' gaze. "Mornin'."

Remus reached over to touch Sirius' scruff. "Mornin'."

"You look like shit," Sirius chuckled.

Remus chuckled and scooted closer to Sirius in bed, their faces inches apart. "I feel like shit. I have work in two hours."

Sirius frowned. "Don't do that to yourself. Too much stress. Just stay here with me and we'll-"

Remus kissed him. Fiercely. To shut him up, sure, but also because he wanted to. He was not about to get into a fight with a rich man who had everything he could wish for in the world about poverty and the weird reality of his inability to pay his rent on time or eat all the time. And thank god, Sirius kissed him back and cupped his large hand on Remus' cheek. The way Sirius was kissing him made Remus think that Sirius had been waiting for this moment for a while, because his lips were crushing hard on Remus'. When they finally pulled back (after what seemed like an hour of kissing), they broke into giggles.

"I'm going to work," Remus said. "End of story."

"Alright," Sirius said. "I just think that you're going through a lot and-"

"Please stop," Remus begged. "You really don't understand."

Sirius frowned. "What do I not understand?"

Remus suppressed an eye roll and he took tighter hold of Sirius' shirt. "Moneys tight. I don't want to get evicted."

"I'm sorry," Sirius said genuinely with a frown still spread across his face.

"Don't be, please," Remus smiled. He let go of Sirius' shirt finally and ran a hand through his own hair. "I'm exhausted."

Sirius sat up and got out of bed. "I'll make you coffee."

-

**Sirius**

From Thursday to Saturday, Sirius only saw Remus at the coffee shop. He came in, like normal, and chatted Remus up for twenty minutes. Remus seemed to enjoy it. He told Sirius that he had finally bought a bus pass and he was planning to take it to Mile End every night to visit his mum until she passed. Sirius had so many questions to ask Remus. Where was his dad? He assumed he wasn't in the picture anymore, but whether he was dead or just a deadbeat was a mystery. Why didn't he have any friends? Sirius knew deep down that this was a really dumb and mean question to ask someone, but Sirius had never heard Remus mention any friends that weren't classmates or co-workers. And Remus said he never got out because he was always studying. Sirius liked Remus. He liked him a lot. He just seemed defensive. Obviously Sirius had things going on that he didn't want to tell Remus all about, but he really just wanted to get to know Remus. And for some reason there was a wall there when it came to money or family. Sirius thought maybe he ought to tell Remus about _his_ family, because really it was a big part of him. But he didn't want to. Too painful.

Maybe that's how Remus felt, too.

On Saturday, Sirius attended James' club football match at 8 a.m before going to the shop. He sat with Harry and pointed out his "dada" every time he came near, and held up Harry's hands when James scored, and taught Harry how to cheer and clap. He didn't often attend the football matches, because usually he was still sleeping or watching Harry because he used to hate the noise. But now he didn't mind, so they just had fun and watched the grown men play football. Sirius missed playing football. He had played all through secondary, college and the first year of uni; until he broke his ankle and ended up in a cast for two months because he had played on it broken for weeks. And because of his own frustration with just staying on the bench, he just quit playing. He had always regretted it, but hindsight is 20/20. Watching James and getting to hang out with Harry was more fun than actually playing.

James, Sirius and Harry got lunch together after Sirius popped into the shop. Lily was at work and that night when James told her that they went out to lunch, she apparently told him that they "must've looked like a young gay couple with a son." She was not wrong. Sirius was almost as obsessed with Harry as James was. James' pride in his son was so radiant, Sirius couldn't help but smile when he saw them together. Harry had recently gotten little glasses, because he was crying and pointing to his head whenever he tried to play with toys or look at a book. And the little baby glasses were so cute, Sirius thought he might've died.

On Saturday night, Sirius texted Remus asking how his mum was doing, how he was doing, and if he'd like to come over the next day. Remus agreed. His mum was fine, he was tired, apparently. Sirius, instead of watching a movie, decided that he was in the mood to read a book. He took a look through his shelf, which he had read more than half of, and pulled out _Paris_ by Edward Rutherford. He really liked _London_ and _China._ And he really liked European history, obviously, it was what he studied in university, so he had basically bought every Rutherford novel he could find after reading _London_. And he had not yet gotten around to _Paris._ Sirius liked books a lot. Only historical fiction. No YA, no fantasy. Historical fiction and non-fiction only. He liked the facts, he liked the romanticism and humanization of early Modern history. He knew Remus liked Scientific journals and science theory books. Perhaps they were more similarly academically than he imagined.

He could see it, the two of them, married and old, both secondary school teachers. Remus teaching biology and chemistry, Sirius teaching European history. They would flirt in the teachers' lounge, and after work Sirius would drive them back to their house and they'd relax until they fell asleep.

What a beautiful fantasy that would never happen. Sirius was going to be a stay-at-home dad. He was independently wealthy, thank you very much. But he could totally see Remus being a teacher. He was very caring, lovely, but also stern sometimes, and he was very smart. Sirius could hear his intelligence in the way he talked. It gave him the goosebumps. Once, when Sirius had gotten coffee, he asked Remus about his Genetics class, because Sirius was wondering if James being 100% Ashkenazi meant he was inbred. (He didn't use James' name, obviously. But the argument between them had been long term.) Remus went on a rant for five minutes about it, and Sirius was fascinated. Unfortunately, he did not get his answer, because 1) Remus used too many big scientific words, and 2) He had gone on a tangent and by the end was not talking about inbreeding. Something about nucleic acid or something.

His phone was ringing. It was Remus. Interesting. He picked up.

"Hi, Remus."

"Hello, I'm outside."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: sex (not graphic), mention of self-harm and suicide  
> sirius pov   
> bon mardi!

Sirius woke up in bed next to Remus, who was awake and still naked.

The night before, Remus had showed up at Sirius' apartment and basically attacked him with a kiss. Sirius, of course, reciprocated, and was dicked down for the first time in a year.

It was nice.

They cuddled in bed for hours afterward and didn't put on the TV for at least an hour after finishing. The cuddle this time was more intimate than it had been the last time, mostly because they were both butt naked. Sirius made himself small and let Remus hold him. He hoped Remus wouldn't notice the scars along both of his wrists and up and down his legs. He hadn't said anything about it, probably because it was too awkward, but it was always a talk he eventually had to have with new partners. 

_"I cut myself in the period of time between my parents kicking me out and my brother hanging himself."_

Hopefully he didn't have to have that conversation with Remus just yet.

When he woke up, he gently placed a hand on Remus' chest. He was so glad to have some physical and romantic intimacy in his life again that he was going to take every chance he got to touch or kiss Remus.

"Hello," Remus said, with a smirk. "Look at you."

"Huh?"

"Pretty boy," Remus said, then leaned down to kiss Sirius on the lips. "So pretty."

Sirius felt himself blush and smile. He moved himself closer to Remus' body and replaced his hand on Remus' chest with his head. "You alright?"

"Mhm," Remus said. "Yours scars don't make you less pretty. Less perfect."

Sirius frowned and removed his head from his chest. He looked at Remus. "I know."

"Good," Remus said, with a soft smile. "Come here."

Sirius returned the smile and followed instructions, letting Remus wrap his arm around him. "What made you wanna just show up here?"

"Hm?" Remus said, his attention seeming to wander, then snapped back. "Oh, my mum and I had an argument. Not a big deal."

"What about?" Sirius asked.

Remus sighed, and held on tighter. "Ah, she's just... she's really not doing well. Keeps bringing up my dad. I was just angry and kinda needed to... get it out."

Sirius laughed. "What happened to your dad?"

"Oh," Remus seemed caught off guard. Like he'd never been asked that. "Um... he jumped in front of a truck. When I was eight or nine. Don't really remember it."

"Oh, okay," Sirius responded. "I'm sorry, that's awful."

Remus shook his head. "I sorta need to get over it. My mum lied about y'know... how everything happened for years. And then when I found out I kinda just got angry. Angrier than I was sad when I was a kid and he died. 'Cause I kinda blame him for everything in my childhood that was shit. I know it wasn't his fault, but still."

"Yeah," was all Sirius could say. "My brother killed himself, too," he said, very suddenly and quickly.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Remus said. Sirius wasn't looking at his face, but he could tell he was frightened. Perhaps at the place the conversation seemed to be going.

"Just- you're not alone, alright?" Sirius said. He realized he was holding back tears, so he changed the subject. "I'll see you at the shop tomorrow, right? I want to try a pastry finally."

"They're not that good," Remus retorted. "And I'm actually not going to be there tomorrow... I've got to get blood drawn."

"Oh, okay. Why?"

Sirius felt Remus' body tense. "I don't want to worry you."

"Okay," Sirius said, thinking maybe it was better to leave it there. Because he really did not want to ruin everything by being pushy and asking questions. Something he had often done in past relationships that all ended awfully.

"It's just a routine check to make sure the cancer isn't back," Remus said, very quickly, but with every word enunciated so he did not have to say it again. 

Sirius was taken aback. He didn't feel worried, he just had questions. He planted a kiss on Remus' chest.

"Would you like to go on a date after?" Sirius asked, very gentleman-y.

"Sure," Remus replied. He laughed, then. "You can ask questions. I can practically feel you itching to ask."

Sirius blushed and pulled out of Remus' grip. "You can tell me anything you want. Anything you feel comfortable with," he clarified. "And I'd like to make us breakfast, if that's alright?"

"Alright," Remus said.

-

"I was nine. My dad had only been dead for a month or so, so my mum was a wreck, and I was just confused honestly. But I had also been really sick for a few weeks. I had a high fever and all these bruises were showing up on my body and I didn't know where I got them. My mum's brain was in another place after my dad died, and so weeks went by of me going to school, and then immediately getting sent to the nurses office because I looked like I was literally dying. And then the nurse called my mum and made her take me to the hospital," Remus explained. He was eating a banana and sitting atop Sirius' island as he cooked two omelettes and listened to Remus talk. For once, Sirius wasn't the one sharing his entire life story to a busy Remus. It was the opposite. He was paying very close attention, and tried to be a good active listener. Remus wasn't a very active listener, but Sirius knew that he listened to what he said because he always remembered the stories he told.

"You had leukemia or something?" Sirius asked, turning briefly from the stove.

"Yep," Remus answered. "Anyway, spent four years in the hospital. I was actually in my hospital bed for my Bar Mitzvah."

"No way!" Sirius laughed.

Remus nodded and chuckled. "My grandparents came and one of my friends from primary came. Also, my mum had our rabbi come see me every week for like four months. I was always exhausted, it was awful. And learning Hebrew was disastrous, I think I've told you about that."

"Yeah," Sirius said. "Two hundred people came to my Bar Mitzvah. I didn't really want one, but I got presents. And I got richer. So it paid off."

"Sounds nice," Remus said. Sirius was sure he didn't mean it to sound petty, but it sort of did. "Where are you gonna take me on our date? You're gonna pay, right?" Remus said sarcastically. Sirius turned around and Remus winked at him.

"What's your favorite type of food?" Sirius asked as he turned off the stove and put the omelettes on their respective plates.

Remus took a second. "I like sushi. But it's really expensive, I know."

"I like sushi too," Sirius said. He placed the plates on the island and Remus hopped off, taking a seat in a real chair. "There's a good place a few blocks from here. I'll take you there."

"I haven't had sushi in years," Remus said. "Since my mum got sick I think."

Sirius smiled, remembering Remus' mum. "Do you want to go after you visit her?"

Remus nodded and took a huge bite. As he chewed, he spoke (which Sirius found cute), "After. 8, probably."

"That's perfect," Sirius said. He decided to be bold. "I really fancy you. You're lovely."

Remus glanced at him, his face blushing. "I fancy you too. Wouldn't have shagged you if I didn't, eh?"

Sirius laughed at the cheeky comment and grabbed Remus' hand. "That's true."

-

Remus left at 12:30 because he needed to do some reading and schoolwork. Sirius headed over to James and Lily's place because he was bored and he missed Remus already. He found that Lily had cooked a nice lunch for her and James, and there was left overs. And Harry was having a nap, so they got some great adult time. He told them everything about his night with Remus, (except for the details about the sex, obviously) and they told him that they were trying for a baby. Which was the most exciting news Sirius had ever got in his entire life.

"We're ready, we have the extra room," Lily said, "Now we just gotta get it on."

Sirius saw James blush. "I'm so excited. I hope you have a little girl."

"Me too," James said, his eyes starry.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Lily said. "We're trying, I'm not pregnant yet."

James grabbed her hand and whispered, "It's going to be okay."

Sirius had no idea what the hell was going on there, and he decided he would ask James later. "I can't wait to have kids someday."

"Oh yeah? With Remus?" James teased.

"Hopefully," Sirius joked with a wink.

"When do we get to meet him?" Lily asked.

Sirius shrugged. "We're not like... _dating_ dating. Also, his mum is dying. I told you this. He's really busy."

"We'll feed him," Lily said. "You've been talking about him for like two weeks. And you did the dirty. I just want to meet him!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "You're acting like you're my mum or something..."

"Do you have a picture?" Lily asked, now really leaning into her mum character. "I am your mum, by the way."

"I don't have a picture," Sirius said, sighing.

"Does he have an instagram?" Lily asked.

Sirius answered, "No, he has a flip phone."

James' eyes moved up. "What?"

"He's... struggling with money," Sirius said simply.

"That's sad," James frowned.

"I know," Sirius said. "I'm gonna get him a phone for Hannukah, I think."

Lily furrowed her brow. "That's pretty far away."

"I know, I just don't want him to feel like he's receiving handouts," Sirius said. "Like, you know, um, how I felt when your mum paid for my college textbooks. Before my uncle died, remember? I can't just give him money straight up, out of nowhere."

"What's his mum dying of?" Lily asked, off topic.

"Melanoma," Sirius said. "I can't believe I got roped into his life right as this is happening."

"Maybe he just needed you right now," Lily said. "Maybe it was fate?"

Sirius sat and pondered for a second. Perhaps it was fate, that he decided to go into the coffee shop that day instead of the grocery store. "Yeah, maybe."


	10. Chapter 10

Remus walked out of the clinic feeling light-headed and slightly nauseous. No matter how many times he's had these routine check ups, he never got used to getting the blood drawn. At least he didn't faint this time. He had fainted six months earlier and was apparently knocked out for two hours, stuck at the clinic. And then when he woke up, he had to walk home, because this was way before he got a bus pass. Remus decided that the bus pass was the best investment of his life. On especially cold days, he would just take the bus to school or work, and he was grateful that he still had the option to walk. And he didn't even mind the ride to Mile End to visit his mum; he always could finish his school work on the bus. Thank god he didn't get carsick easily. Life was alright.

Except that his mum was getting worse by the day.

She usually slept the majority of the day. Her parents, Remus' grandparents, had called him and asked if they should come see her. They asked if she was _really_ dying. He said she was, and told them they should of course come and see her immediately, because she obviously didn't have much time. So, they would be coming from Cardiff for a week to visit. And they were renting a nice hotel room. He hadn't seen either of them since before his mum got her diagnosis. They came and visited her then, but for that first week of her treatments, Remus couldn't bear to see her. It broke his heart too much to even think about having two dead parents. _Orphaned._ He would be orphaned soon, he had known deep down for about eight months that he would be sooner rather than later. But the idea was scary, nonetheless. It hurt how cruel life could be. It hurt that his mum would be dead and gone at 45.

He realized that his dad had been 45 when he died as well. Stupid parallels. Except his father died of his own accord, and his mother was not. She was being torn from him by the cruelty of the universe. He knew why his father had killed himself. He knew, but he didn't understand. His mum seemed to understand. She always seemed to understand, and always treated it like he had lost a battle with some disease. Which was true, Remus thought, but still. Remus felt steady blaming his life on his dad. It always felt good to have someone to blame, to point fingers at, instead of just accepting that what happened happened, and there's nothing anyone can do about that. He didn't know if he was ready for that.

He knew he should get his shit together before his mum died. Tell her everything he needed to and thank her. _Thank her._ He never appreciated all his mum went through for him until he entered adulthood and she got sick and suddenly all of this responsibility turned on him, and he finally understood. He understood why she went completely grey haired at 34. But he also was going to apologize. Apologize for not visiting more when she first went into hospital, for not spending more time with her, and for making her move to London when he did (which was technically her idea, not his, but still). She always cared for him, no matter what his temperament was, or how poorly he was treating her. She was such a good mum his entire life, and he wasn't sure how he could repay her in the short amount of time he had left.

_Stop getting sappy._

Remus realized he was tearing up on the bus, and he tried to hold himself together by thinking about something else. His date with Sirius was that night! He did feel a little bit bad about showing up at Sirius' place without asking if he could come, but Sirius didn't seem to have any complaints about it at all. Sirius was lovely all around. Sirius was gentle with him, and Remus could not figure out why. Sirius cooked him breakfast, offered to take him out, asked him questions about himself, wasn't judgmental, and treated the mum situation with care. Which was only weird to Remus because if _he_ was in Sirius' shoes he wouldn't know how to handle any of it. He expected most people to be in that boat. Like his ex, dumping him the week his mum got her diagnosis. Well, no. He didn't dump him. He just left while Remus sobbed alone on their bed.

His mum told him to see a psychiatrist. He refused.

He had been put in therapy as a child after his dad died and while he was in the hospital. He didn't really understand what was going on there. He would just sit in the chair in silence. But he had been sent to the school psychologist the first day he was back after his dad passed, and of course none of the kids knew his dad was dead, so there was a rumor that he was going crazy.

Gone to the loony bin.

And of course, this was also the beginning of his illness, so he looked quite pale and ill at school, and that's where the nickname emerged.

_Moony._

And then he disappeared from school a few weeks after he was "renamed" by the older students at primary.

When he got out of the hospital and started back at a real secondary, the kids that recognized him from primary all gasped and said, " _Moony?"_

He thought of Sirius and his friend group's nicknames. Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail. Wormtail's real name was Peter, and he did Uni in America. But Sirius and James had had a falling out with Wormtail in college apparently, though Sirius' rantings were so fast-paced and mumbled that Remus could barely understand what their falling out was over. Remus hadn't even told Sirius about _his_ stupid nickname. He supposed it was different because his nickname was mean spirited and not given to him by his friends, but he still had a nickname in school that he was referred to as until he got to college. A fresh start. No mean nicknames that referred to his cancer and his dead father, and no one who knew what happened with both of those things. His anonymity at college and uni was comforting. New friends, new classes, new interests, new books. Sirius didn't know any of this stuff yet. Remus was slowly revealing all of his crap to Sirius, and he thought maybe it was better to do that then to unload it all quickly. Sirius, because of his position as the only person Remus knew with a car, knew almost everything about his mum's condition. But Sirius did not know anything of Remus' school days. He had hints about his life in the hospital, but not much. Remus much preferred to listen. And he did. He listened to every word that came out of Sirius' mouth with love and care. Sirius' words were precious. Remus couldn't tell Sirius how much he appreciated him. He couldn't even begin to describe all the things he'd do to repay Sirius for his endless kindness. 

Next Sunday was payday. Remus was ready to drop some of it on a gift for Sirius. Maybe a cheap bouquet of flowers? And a nice note, for sure. Yes, he would do that.

The bus stopped at his stop, and he got off, thanking the bus driver like he always did. He walked the short distance to his flat and unlocked the door. His light headedness was better, but he was still nauseous. He walked in and threw his bag on the floor, immediately flopping onto his bed and curling up into a slumber. His morning was easy enough, and he hoped that when he woke up he'd be well enough to go to his 2:30 class.

-

Remus left his uni class and went straight to Mile End to visit his mum. He did his work for his Physics class on the bus and finished it, surprisingly. The bus had gotten stuck at a few stops, so he had extra time. And then at his stop, he got off and walked to the hospice center, which was behind the building in front of the bus stop. He entered the building, said hello to the lady at the front desk, and walked confidently to his mum's room. The smell of the place was nicer than the hospital, and the people walking around seemed happier. He knocked before entering his mother's room, as he had done the past few days he had visited her, and when she welcomed him in, he entered. 

"Hi mum," He smiled, closing the door and quickly making his way to her bedside. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she croaked. She looked older. Maybe 55, 60, Remus noticed. He felt awful for thinking that. "How are you?"

"I'm alright," he responded. "I've got a date tonight."

She grinned, her eyes widening with surprise. "With who?"

"One of my customers at the shop," he said. "We've been hanging out a lot. He drove me to see you in the hospital last week."

"That's lovely, darling," she smiled. 

He smiled back, but worry was clouding his expression. "You're hanging in there, right?"

"I'm trying," she responded simply. 

He nodded, trying to understand. "Please make it to the holidays."

"Honey..."

"Please," he begged.

Her facial expression turned to pure sadness, but she smiled. "Oh, alright. You'll bring me gifts, then?"

"Of course," he said. "Just... I need you here for a little bit longer."

She didn't respond. She didn't know _how,_ probably.

"And I'm sorry. For everything you've gone through. For me."

In three perfect beats, her eyes widened, she laughed, and grabbed onto his hand. "Never apologize for that. You're my son. My son, Remus. My everything. I would do anything for you."

He looked up at her with tears in his eyes. "Really?"

"Of course!" She said as loud as she could. "If I could... live forever I'd do it for you. I don't want to leave you, honey. But it's time, soon. Not now. But soon."

He furrowed his brow, but relaxed when he saw how tired she looked. "Okay, mum. Do you need to go to sleep? You look exhausted."

"Probably should," she said, shifting her position in the bed. "Goodnight honey. Have a nice date."

-

He entered his flat absolutely exhausted. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and called Sirius. The phone rang twice and Sirius had picked up.

"Hiya Remus!"

"Hey, Sirius. I'm sorry, but do you think we could reschedule? I'm just fucking exhausted..."

"No problem. Yes. Let's reschedule. Want to come over? We can get Chinese takeaway."

Remus grinned. "That sounds wonderful, Sirius. Thanks."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no cw  
> i have tmrw off from school! yay! i have therapy too so hell yeah x

The rest of November past quickly.

Remus continued visiting his mother every single day without fail, and usually went to Sirius' afterwards. They had become sort of a functioning couple, and towards the end of November, Sirius asked Remus to officially be his boyfriend. Remus said yes, obviously. Remus really liked Sirius and the way he made him feel. Remus had basically moved out of his flat. He only used it as storage, really. He would go there before class or work to grab whatever he needed, but mostly he slept over at Sirius'. Sirius also let Remus do his schoolwork at his place while he tidied up, read, watched TV, or was out with one of his friends. And Remus really enjoyed this. He was sort of sad that they had skipped the real "dating" phase where they went on cute dates and stuff like that, but he really liked what they had going on. They supported each other very well, and had fun with each other.

Which is why Sirius wanted to introduce Remus to his friends James and Lily.

"James is my brother, basically," Sirius explained in the car ride there on Sunday, December 1st. "Stop fidgeting, you have nothing to worry about."

"I know," Remus said. "Will their baby be there?"

"Harry? Yeah."

Remus tensed. "Okay."

"What? Don't like kids?" Sirius asked with a frown.

"No, I do. I'm just bad with them," Remus said.

"I'm sure that's not true."

Remus shrugged. "Yeah, maybe not. I don't know. Do I ever get to meet your parents?" Remus asked, very innocently.

Sirius was silent for a moment, and Remus tried to decode his expression. He seemed anxious. Not particularly sad, just anxious. Nervous to tell.

"No. They kicked me out," Sirius said.

"Oh," Remus said, sadly. "I'm sorry."

Sirius scoffed. "It was sad in the moment... but in hindsight it was kinda the best thing that could've happened for me. James' parents took me in, God bless 'em."

"Will I meet _them?"_ Remus asked, and Sirius chuckled.

"Sure," Sirius smiled. "Eventually. They're up in Northampton, still."

"I didn't know you were from Northampton," Remus said.

Sirius looked at him. "I don't know where you're from."

"Cardiff," Remus said.

"Should've known," Sirius said, nodding his head. 

Remus shrugged again. "London's really changed my accent. When I came here for uni I kinda wanted to... I don't know. Erase who I was before, if that makes sense."

"I did that too," Sirius laughed, "Should've seen how I dressed back in college. I became this flaming homosexual, I wore this colorful eye makeup every single day and it always made me look mad. Just because I was horrible at it. I _really_ wanted attention. And to get back at my parents. You can go to my facebook wall from like... 2014? And you'll see all that embarrassing crap."

"I kinda love that," Remus said. He frowned, suddenly realized. "They kicked you out for being gay?!"

Sirius met his eyes and frowned. He turned his attention back to the road, realizing he had missed the turn to James and Lily's place. He got in the lane to make a U-turn and spoke. "Yeah."

"Jesus," Remus groaned. "That's rubbish."

"Yep," Sirius said. "We're here."

Sirius parked in the driveway (he knew James and Lily wouldn't leave before they did) and went over to the passenger side to open the door for Remus. When he did, Remus hopped out and flung his arms around Sirius' neck. Sirius, quite shocked at the gesture, buried his face in the crook of Remus' neck instinctively.

"I'm so sorry all that happened to you," Remus whispered.

Sirius pulled away and laughed. "That coming from you means a lot!"

This made Remus laugh. All of Sirius' jokes did. Funny or not. Sirius grabbed his hand and led him to the front door of the house. Remus didn't want to say it out loud, but he _really_ wanted to know how these twenty-two year olds could afford houses in London. He knew that they probably inherited it or something, but he really wanted to know how. He knew it was a weird thought to have, but he was curious. How could he not be? 

Sirius rang the doorbell and they heard a faint "Coming!" Soon after, a red-haired girl, who Remus assumed was Lily, opened the door and greeted Sirius with a hug. And to Remus' surprise, she hugged him too. _So, she really was as nice as Sirius said._ Remus followed behind Sirius and Lily to the kitchen (they were catching up), and the three of them sat down. 

"I'll get James," Lily winked and walked away.

"Their house..." Remus whispered across the table.

"I know. It was James' parents' house when they lived here, and they never sold it, so when Lils and him decided to stay here after uni they gave it to them," Sirius explained. Remus nodded, now understanding. He looked around and noticed all the baby toys scattered around and the high chair in the corner. 

"Hello!" James announced, entering into the kitchen. Lily was close behind him and had Harry in her arms. "Remus! Good to see you."

"Nice to meet you," Remus said, standing up and reaching out a hand for James to shake.

James shook his head and pulled Remus into a bear hug; Remus could definitely tell this man was a father. "How are you two doing?"

"Really great," Sirius grinned. "Lils, gimme Harry. He wants his uncle."

Lily rolled her eyes and placed Harry into Sirius' lap, and immediately they were playing and talking to one another, James also apart of the conversation.

"How are you, Remus? It's so nice to meet you," Lily smiled sweetly, sitting down.

"I'm alright," Remus said. "It's nice to meet you too! How are you?"

Lily nodded. "I'm great. We're trying to get pregnant again, so it's sort of been appointment after appointment... but otherwise great."

"Wow," Remus said. Another kid? He wasn't trying to judge, they were just so young... he supposed his mum was twenty-four when she had had him. That wasn't much older than Lily was. "I heard you're a nurse? I'm going into a STEM field as well."

"Yes! Well, I'm still getting my qualifications, but it mostly is hospital work for school," Lily explained. She lowered her voice. "Sirius said your mother is sick?"

Remus shot a glance at Sirius, who obviously felt the tension, because he looked up. He was not aware that Sirius had told Lily and James that his mum was in hospice. Not that it really mattered... he guessed that he was upset because he didn't really want to talk about it. But she knew. And she was kind. "She's dying. She's in hospice."

"I'm so sorry," Lily frowned. "My dad died when I was... 13? I think. Of lung cancer. I know how you feel, and I know we just met, but I'm here for you. Especially if you get sick of Sirius."

Sirius looked up and stuck his tongue out at her, and Harry began laughing. Remus thought about what an adorable little boy Harry was. He had little glasses that looked way too huge for his face and his hair was already sticking up in the back and jet black, just like James'. What a wonder genetics were. He had always been told he looked like his dad, which he supposed was true. He was shorter, though. His dad had been 6'7. He was only 6'5. _Only_.

"Padfoot never shuts the fuck up about you," James said, teasing.

Lily slapped the table. "Language! Not in front of Harry, James."

"Sorry," James said shamefully.

"Not like he can understand you," Remus shrugged. "I'm very glad our relationship is a topic of conversation..."

"I still need to give Remus a nickname," Sirius said, starting to think.

Remus cringed. "We never discussed nicknames! And I had a nickname in school. I don't want another one."

"Oh! What was it?" James asked. "I don't know how much Padfoot has told you, but we are expert nicknamers."

"They are, gave me about a hundred in school," Lily scoffed.

"It was Moony," Remus said. "I got sent to the school psychologist and there was rumour I went crazy. Loony. Moony."

"And Remus is a moon!" Sirius threw in.

Remus glared at him. "It is?"

Sirius blushed. "Yes."

"I didn't know that," Remus said. "How'd you know that?"

"He just _really_ likes astrology," James teased. "Moony is fun. Might have to call you that from now on."

Remus glared at him, but let himself soften. _It was ten years ago. Just let them give you a nickname, it's obviously something that matters to them._ "Fine. I like it."

"See, and now it has a different meaning. You're not mad, Remus is just a moon, Moony," Sirius said and grabbed Remus' hand under the table.

"Okay," Remus said and smiled.

He felt at home. He hadn't felt this comfortable and loved in a very long time. James and Lily were so nice, and immediately treated him like a friend. He hadn't been used to people warming up to him so quickly, and Sirius had obviously told them about some of his baggage, and they didn't care. So he was fine. It would all be fine. Sirius was so lovely.

Sirius loved kids. Remus had never thought about having children, but after seeing Sirius with Harry, he could tell immediately that Sirius couldn't wait for the day he became a father. They had only been officially dating for about a week, so they had not discussed children at all. But Remus decided that he could warm up to the idea for Sirius. Anything Sirius wanted, he would do. It sounded cheesy, but he'd literally walk on glass, hot coals and eat vegan food back to back if it meant he could just have Sirius all to himself until the end of time.

He'd do fucking anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a vegan btw


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop and it's the holiday season!!!! also, i made them jewish bc fuck jk rowling's antisemitism.  
> hey, thank you all for the kudos and comments. i really appreciate you all.  
> p.s, it's a sirius pov chapter

The first night of Hannukah, December 22nd, was wonderful. Sirius, James, Lily and Harry took the train up to Northampton to celebrate with James' parents. Sirius invited Remus (out of politeness only, he knew Remus would spend at least the first night with his mother) and Remus told him that they would spend the rest of the nights together, he promised. Sirius had purchased an iPhone X for Remus, and was planning to give it to him the 23rd. Euphemia and Fleamont, who were basically Sirius' parents now, had gotten all four of them gifts. Nothing huge, which none of them expected really, but they were sweet. They got Sirius a little potted plant (which he had asked for) and got James and Lily a microwave cleaner thingy. It was really a nice night. The Potters were not religious at all, but they celebrated all the holidays and stuff. Sirius was thankful for this. Religion had definitely played a role in Sirius' biological parents' bigotry towards his homosexuality. His parents were ultra-religious, old fashioned people- who honestly considered conversion therapy before just straight up kicking him out of the house. But all that didn't mean he didn't love his religion, or his identity, he just was glad the Potters weren't like his parents. And honestly, his parents were a small minority out of a mostly loving community. 

Lily wasn't Jewish; she was technically Catholic. She was never confirmed, unlike her sister Petunia, who had ultimately decided that she hated Lily because she was marrying a Jewish boy. When Lily came to Sirius' place and cried for hours on his shoulder about this, Sirius was just disgusted and really wanted to murder Petunia for making Lily feel that way and for being a bigoted idiot. But Lily had gotten very used to the Jewish traditions, and James the Christian traditions. So, the years they had lived together, they always did a Christmas and a Hannukah. And like that year, when Christmas and Hannukah overlapped, they had a Christmas morning and candle lighting ceremony at night. Sirius _really_ liked Christmas music. Like, a lot. It was so fun. Even if he personally did not celebrate it, it was still so good. Lily liked to play it in her and James' home in December, and Sirius dug it. 

Sirius loved Effie and Monty. They were the sweetest people ever, and treated Sirius as their own son. Even now, as a twenty-two year old, he felt at home at the Potter's house. It had been the first place he had felt at home, with his biological parents he was always "too effeminate" or "not good enough." He was never good enough for them. But he was always good enough for the Potters, _better_ than enough, they just loved him for who he was. He didn't know where he would be in life without them. Probably dead, like his poor little brother. 

It was July when his brother died. He'd never forget how hot it was, and how he been lying in his room at the Potter's house, practically sticking to his mattress. And then an unknown number called him. He at first thought it was just spam, so he rejected the call. But they called again, so he picked up the phone. It was his cousin, Narcissa, who he hadn't heard from since he was kicked out of the house. And she was just hyperventilating and sobbing, which was something Sirius had never heard her do. So he was obviously scared. And then she told him.

There were police outside of the house, there was a stretcher and Narcissa kept repeating, "he's dead, oh god, Reg is dead." 

And he was. Dead before they reached the hospital. And Sirius was not invited to the funeral.

But he felt confident that if James were to die, (god forbid), he would no doubt be invited to it.

Remus had told Sirius that he thought his mother would be dead before the new year. He told Sirius this very stoically, and didn't break down crying until Sirius hugged him and whispered his condolences in Remus' ear. Sirius was not excited to have to deal with Remus after his mother died, but he would do it, and do everything he could to make it okay for Remus. Sirius loved him. He knew it was early to say that, especially to Remus, but it was the truth. Remus made him feel a way no one had ever made him feel before. They could talk for hours without stopping, but could also sit in silence for hours without either of them getting bored or wanting to move. He loved him. Remus had not yet asked Sirius to come meet his mum, which Sirius understood fully. Obviously meeting somebody's parents was a big deal and not something most people would want to do a month into dating, but the situation here was different. Sirius decided to leave that alone. It was Remus' decision, anyway.

On Monday the 23rd, Remus came over at 6:30 and greeted Sirius with a long, passionate kiss. They ate a big dinner and lit the second candle before Sirius presented his gift to Remus.

"You didn't have to get me anything," Remus blushed, taking the present in hand.

"Too bad," Sirius said. "Open it!"

Remus smiled at him sweetly and went ham on the wrapping paper. He gasped when he saw the box. He looked up slowly at Sirius. "Sirius..."

"Do you like it?" Sirius said, meekly.

Remus looked back down again. "Sirius..."

"What? Are you okay?" Sirius asked, beginning to get nervous.

"I-" Remus said, his breathing speeding up. "This is... why would you... this gift, Sirius."

"Because you're lovely, Moony," Sirius said.

Remus stared at him. "I can't accept this."

"Uh, yes you can," Sirius said. "I got it for you."

"I don't need it," Remus said, definitely. 

Sirius tilted his head. "Are you offended or something?"

"I don't want handouts, Sirius," Remus hissed.

Sirius put his hands up defensively. "That's not what I was trying to do at all. It's just, it's a gift! And you're my boyfriend. It's not a handout. It's Hannukah and it's a gift. Hear me?"

Remus looked down with tears in his eyes. "I can't afford the monthly pay."

"It's prepaid," Sirius said, reassuringly. 

Remus' face dropped. "Why would you do that?"

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, growing agitated and confused.

"What are you trying to get from me? Buying me a fucking phone? What's wrong with you?" Remus yelled. He had stood up and was now pacing.

Sirius stood up and walked over to him. "Okay, obviously emotions are high right now, so let's just calm down. Are you alright?"

"I just- you bought me a fucking phone, I can't even fucking get you anything because I'm broke and my mum can barely speak anymore and oh my god you bought me a fucking phone Sirius, why are you so nice?" Remus cried.

Sirius' face softened and he wrapped Remus in a hug. "I'm sorry if I offended you, okay? I just wanted to get you a nice gift. And I don't care that you didn't get me anything. I just wanted to get you something nice because you're lovely, and you're my boyfriend."

"Okay," Remus cried into Sirius' shirt. "I'm sorry if I've been lashing out lately, I just-"

"I promise, I understand," Sirius said sweetly. "Would you like to stay the night?"

Remus nodded.

And he was over every day the rest of the week. He was on Winter break at uni, so he basically spent all day with Sirius expect when he was working or with his mum. And they had a romantic time. Sirius would rub his feet while he read, and they would watch movies in bed. And then, on the last day of Hannukah, Remus came back later than expected.

"She died," he said simply when he saw Sirius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw covid doesn't exist here fuck that SHIT


	13. Chapter 13

“Oh no, Moony,” Sirius said affectionately. He ran up to Remus and wrapped his arms around him tightly and let him cry to him for hours and hours.

-

New Year’s Eve was rather uneventful. Remus had not left Sirius’ bed yet, nor said many words to Sirius. At 9 pm on December 31st, Remus was already fast asleep in Sirius’ bed, so Sirius took this as his first chance to talk to James on the phone. He had sent him brief text messages- answering how Remus was doing, what he had been up to, etc. But he really needed to talk to James on the phone. 

He opened his phone and pressed the contact “Prongs”, which had been his most recent call. He was praying that James would pick up. And he did.

“Hey, Padfoot.”

Sirius sighed. “Hi Prongs.”

“Doing okay? Happy New Year!”

“I’m doing fine. Remus is asleep. Fuck,” Sirius dropped himself onto the couch, having not previously realized how utterly exhausted he was.

“Is he okay?” There was obvious worry in James’ voice, and it made Sirius feel a little better. At least he wasn’t the only one worried about Remus.

“I mean, his mum died two days ago. So no. He hasn’t really spoken much but I’m making sure he’s eating and drinking water and all that.”

“Good, good.”

Sirius pinched his temple, a headache settling in. “Fuck, James, I’m so exhausted. It’s just awful. Why do people have to die?”

James was silent for a moment, but then Sirius heard a light chuckle. “I don’t have an answer for you there, mate. I’m just glad he has you. Will there, um, be a funeral?”

“On the ninth. Remus’ grandparents already planned it,” Sirius said. Remus had only taken one phone call from his grandfather, and all Sirius heard Remus say was, ‘Hi.’ ‘I’m fine.’ ‘The ninth? Okay.’

“Will you go?”

“Probably,” Sirius muttered. “If he wants me to, I will.”

Although Sirius couldn’t see James, he could tell he was frowning. “Take care of yourself.”

“I am,” Sirius said defensively.

“Good, Sirius. If you need anything just call me or Lils, we got you,” James said.

“Thanks.”

“Relationship is okay then? Persisting?”

“We’re a match made in heaven,” Sirius smiled. “I just wish… I just wish I could take his pain away, I guess.”

“I know. It’ll be okay soon. Be there for him, I promise it’ll be enough for him.”

Sirius felt tears beginning to prick his eyes, so he shook his head and laughed. “Sometimes I don’t think I’ll ever be enough.”

“You are. Pinky promise.”

“Okay, Prongs,” Sirius said, only half believing his best friend.

“Say it.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I am enough.”

“Thanks, Padfoot.”

Everytime Sirius said something self-deprecating, James made him say ‘I am enough.’ As much as Sirius hated to admit it, it made him feel better telling himself that. And he was so grateful to have James there to support him. He really wanted to be the same to Remus.

-

Remus came out of the bedroom for the first time on January 3rd. He ate a large breakfast and drank a cup of coffee. He and Sirius didn’t really talk, only said hello and kissed. This was when Sirius realized that Remus had moved in. Although they had not discussed it, Sirius asked Remus for his flat key so he could go pick up all of his stuff there. Remus gave over the key willingly. Remus seemed numb. Days were flying by and Sirius was still at a loss for how to fully support Remus. James told him that just being there and letting him grieve was enough but he didn’t believe him. But January 3rd was the day Remus called his landlord and gave his notice.

-

Remus did want Sirius to come to the funeral, so he went. Remus, for the first time since the death, showered, shaved his face and combed his hair. Sirius had gone and rented a suit for Remus because he didn’t own one. He let Remus lead the way with everything- conversations about his mum, how he felt, and it was going well, Sirius thought. Remus was coming out of shock, finally. But the funeral sealed the deal. 

Remus’ grandparents wanted the funeral to be in Cardiff, and since Remus had told them to plan the whole thing, it was in Cardiff. His mum was cremated as per her request. Remus’ grandmother called Remus the day before the funeral and practically begged him to speak. Remus agreed, but reluctantly, so Sirius spent hours convincing him that he didn’t have to speak if he didn’t want to. But Remus insisted that he wanted to.

And he got up to speak. And Sirius watched Remus’ sanity unfold.

He had prepped a card with basic things he wanted to say. Remus had not let Sirius see what it said. He started by introducing himself.

“Uh… hi. I’m Remus. Hope was my mum.”

Then his eyes turned shifty and his voice shook as he spoke.

“My mum meant a lot to a lot of people and I wanna thank everyone for- for-”

Then he began hyperventilating.

“Sorry, I just-”

Then tears squeezed out of his eyes and he looked around the silent hall, visibly panicking.

“Sorry.”

Then he ran out, and Sirius chased after him.

And once they got home, they were back at the beginning. Awful crying fits for hours at a time and staying in bed for days until Remus’ last semester at school started.

-

Remus went to class everyday and went back to work. Sirius noticed that Remus was overworking himself, possibly to avoid all the pain. Sirius wouldn’t dare ask. He only supported him and then rubbed his feet when he came home and cooked him dinner.

What a housewife he was.

But in the time he had that Remus was out, he organized the apartment. He put Remus’ stuff in one of the dresser drawers, cleaned the fridge, and just made it look nice. He supposed the atmosphere could help Remus’ mind clear and maybe a clean home would make him feel better. They still had not discussed the fact that they shared a home. They were still in the very early stages of their relationship, although it didn’t feel like that at all. But because of their situation, they were rushed into long-term commitment. Which Sirius was very okay with.

Remus was very obviously struggling with his mental stability and Sirius wanted to do everything he could to help Remus stay on his feet. 

-

“I quit my job,” Remus said one day in mid-January after arriving home from class. 

“Huh?” Sirius looked up from his phone. 

“I quit my job,” Remus said again. He threw his backpack on the couch and sat down. 

“Oh,” Sirius said and moved from the armchair to the couch Remus was sitting on. “Mind if I ask why?”

“Wanted to,” Remus said, rubbing his own shoulder, his expression distressed.

Sirius frowned and moved closer. He put a hand on Remus’ shoulder. “May I?”

Remus nodded.

“Are you feeling alright?” Sirius asked.

Remus shook his head. “Do we have to talk about it? I had a long day?”

“Sure. We can relax. Anything you want.”

-

As January ended and February crept in, Sirius decided to make an effort to get Remus out of the house for socialization. And by socialization, he meant going to James and Lily’s house for dinner. And Remus (thank god!) agreed that it would be a good idea. He had asked Sirius if he could ask James and Lily to not mention his mum at dinner, though. Which Sirius understood fully, but he knew Lily would have lots of trouble not giving her condolences. Remus had started talking more, and Remus actually let Sirius turn on a movie in bed one night. Little by little, Remus was making progress. Sirius had told him a few times how proud he was of him.

“I can’t believe how I acted at the funeral,” Remus said one night, out of the blue. “I made such a fool of myself. Everybody must’ve thought I was mad.”

Sirius was shocked. How could Remus be so critical of himself at his darkest moment? “Remus… nobody thought that. I promise.”

Remus just shrugged. 

-

On February 13th, Lily called Sirius and asked if he and Remus could come over for a special dinner. Of course Sirius said yes.

So, at 6:30, Sirius and Remus pulled into the Potter’s driveway and rang the doorbell. They were holding hands and kept squeezing each other, like a little game of who could squeeze back faster.

Then, James opened the door, looking elated as ever. “Come in! Come in!”

They shuffled in, both giving James a hug. Remus and James had grown very close since they met, and Sirius couldn’t have been happier.

“Hi boys! We have news!” Lily said, walking into the living room from the kitchen.

Sirius stopped in his tracks. He gasped and his eyes filled with tears. 

“What?!” Remus asked, worried.

Sirius grabbed Lily’s wrist. “Are you pregnant?”

Lily grinned and nodded.

Sirius squealed and hugged her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be valentines day


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus celebrate their first Valentine's Day together. (Special 14th Chapter!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's short :(

Remus woke up on February 14th to a bed covered in rose petals and the smell of breakfast cooking in the kitchen. This took him by surprise. He did not take Sirius as a romantic! They had only been together a month and a half anyway, so he wasn't expecting anything big from his boyfriend. But he assumed wrong. He got out of bed and checked himself out in the mirror. His hair was tangled and far too long (he made a mental note to ask Sirius where the scissors were) and he felt slightly happy. He woke up on the right side of the bed and the cheesy, somewhat embarrassing romantic gesture added to his good mood. He walked into the kitchen and saw Sirius cooking pancakes, apron on, playing David Bowie through the speakers and humming along. Remus realized how lucky he was at this moment. This man was so lovely; he was nice, caring, took good care of Remus, and Remus decided to never let Sirius go. He walked up behind Sirius and wrapped his arms around his waist and laid his head on his shoulder. Sirius stopped humming and smiled, and after flipping a pancake turned his head to kiss Remus.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Sirius smiled, his lips still centimeters away from Remus'.

"I didn't know you were so romantic," Remus said. He hopped up onto the kitchen counter and crossed his legs. "You're so lovely, Sirius."

Sirius grinned at Remus and put the pancakes on a plate and placed it in front of Remus. "I just wanted to do something nice for you. And you're lovelier."

"Nope," Remus said, grabbing Sirius' shirt and leaning down to kiss him again. 

"Eat! I made that for you, specially," Sirius said with a wink, and took his own seat at the island. 

They both began eating and Remus nearly moaned at how yummy the pancake tasted. "This is so fucking good, Sirius," Remus said, shoving more into his mouth.

"You never say that after eating me out," Sirius said with a fake pout, catching Remus by surprise and almost making him choke.

"Jesus fucking fuck, Sirius. Keep that talk in the bedroom."

Sirius smirked and ate his food. "Anything special you wanna do today?"

Remus shook his head and brought his plate to the sink. "Nah. I'm not really a huge Valentine's Day person."

"Oh," Sirius said, blushing. "I'm sorry that-"

"No! You're the sweetest ever, Sirius. You can make a big deal out of it if you want to, I just don't really care what we do," Remus explained, trying to make Sirius feel better. 

Sirius joined Remus at the sink and smiled wide. "We can watch movies all day if you want."

Remus smiled back and wrapped his arms around Sirius. "Sounds lovely."

-

And they did. They spent the entire day on the couch watching rom-coms, laughing, and making out. They turned off all the lights in the apartment and closed the curtains so that they would get a full movie theater vibe. Remus held Sirius the entire day and they only moved to get water or go pee. It was a lovely day and Sirius cooked dinner as well. Remus noted that Sirius was going to be the homely one in the relationship, and Remus was fine with that. As long as he didn't have to worry about cooking. Towards the end of the day when Sirius started yawning, Remus turned off the TV and kissed Sirius with all his might.

"Bed?"

Sirius nodded and buried his face in Remus' shoulder. "Love you."

This declaration sort of knocked the wind out of Remus. He wasn't expecting this so soon, but of course he loved him too, so he said it back. "I love you too." 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets his wisdom teeth out and for the first time in his life, Remus has to be somebody else's caretaker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright here's some news about me:  
> i got my wisdom teeth out so that's why the chapter is themed this way  
> i got into the top musical theatre summer program in the country! nothing to do with the chapter, just wanted to let y'all know.

On March 26th, Sirius came back from his dentist appointment pouting. Remus noticed his awful mood immediately and moved over to comfort him, even though he didn't know what was wrong yet. Sirius didn't really seem too sad, just annoyed, and maybe a little bit anxious. Over the past months of living together Remus had gotten very good at reading Sirius. Sirius groaned as he laid his head on Remus' shoulder and frowned. "I have to get my bloody wisdom teeth out."

"Oh," Remus said, suppressing a laugh because he thought it was going to be a big deal. "You haven't already had them out?"

Sirius shook his head. "I'm really nervous. I've never had surgery before."

Remus took in the genuine look of fear in his eyes and softened his face. "It's not going to be a big deal. I've had loads of surgeries and my wisdom teeth one was by far the easiest to recover from." He slipped his hand into Sirius' and locked their fingers together. "Plus, I'll be here taking care of you."

Sirius chuckled and squeezed Remus' hand. "You'll drive me then?"

"Sure," Remus said. "I haven't driven a car since college, but sure. When's the surgery?"

"Next Friday."

"Awe, baby," Remus sighed. "I promise I'll take care of you, just like you've taken care of me when I'm sick."

Sirius smiled and kissed his boyfriend's neck. "I love you, Moony."

End of February-Early March was a really bad time for Remus' health. He had had several day long sick fits- migraines, vomit, body pain- and Sirius took care of him every step of the way. He emailed Remus' professors, went and picked up Remus' work at his school, and cooked whatever he wanted. Remus couldn't deny that it felt good to have someone take care of him. It did remind him a bit of his mum and how she used to care for him, which made him cry a few times, but he just really enjoyed Sirius' company. He enjoyed the way Sirius laid in bed with him on Sundays and held his hand, he enjoyed Sirius' movie taste, and he really enjoyed Sirius' cooking. He just loved his boyfriend. He loved that he was being treated with respect, although there was still a part of him that wasn't used to a healthy relationship. Something about opening up about all of his issues to Sirius made him nervous, even if he knew Sirius would respect him and empathize. Sirius didn't even know anything about Remus' ex. And Remus didn't know if Sirius had ever had a boyfriend. He was assuming he had, but Sirius had never told him about his past. Remus understood that one day he would have to open up to Sirius about his trauma but... it would be a while until that day. He knew Sirius was patient and wouldn't mind.

When the surgery rolled around, Sirius was more nervous than ever. 1) For the surgery, and 2) for Remus to drive his car. They had gone over all the gears because Remus had never driven, as he called it, a "fancy" car. Remus knew how nervous Sirius was because on the drive to the oral surgeon's office, he was clutching his seat and near hyperventilating. Remus told him that he was glad Sirius had faith in his driving skills. The joke loosened up Sirius a little bit, and he loosened his grip. He was also a little bit cranky because he was not allowed to eat before the surgery, and Remus was doing his best to calm him as he focused on the road and GPS. The surgeon's office was a thirty minute drive from their apartment, and about halfway through Remus plugged his phone into the aux chord and put his and Sirius' favorite playlist on shuffle. He heard Sirius chuckle and saw him rest his head against the window. 

"Hey," Remus said, reaching for Sirius' hand. "You're going to be fine. I swear."

Sirius squeezed his boyfriend's hand. "I know."

"And you'll be all high and stuff," Remus said.

"Yep. Haven't been high since uni," Sirius commented.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Sirius nodded. "One of our friends overdosed and our entire friend group kinda freaked out and stopped doing drugs. It was sort of an overreaction, it's not like weed is... I don't know. Dangerous? I was just freaked out."

"Oh," Remus said, frowning. "I'm sorry."

Sirius shrugged and groaned. "I don't want to say something stupid."

Remus laughed, unexpectedly. "I said some really dumb crap after my surgery. It's how I came out to my mum."

Sirius pulled his hand away and his jaw dropped. "No way."

"Unfortunately," Remus said. "I mean, thank god she was sort of accepting. But she was freaked out but I just kept going on about the boy who sit in front of me in my maths class at college, apparently. I don't really remember it, but that's what she told me."

"I was always scared that I'd have to get them out because of that reason," Sirius said. "Before I moved out, I mean."

"You'll be fine," Remus said, reassuringly, grabbing Sirius' hand once more. "There's nothing to worry about. You'll go to sleep easy and wake up before you know it."

"Okay," Sirius said, his eyes wide and puppy-like. "You're lovely, you know that?"

Remus sighed happily and moved his eyes back to the road. "You tell me every day, Pads."

"Tell me you love me?" Sirius asked.

Remus' heart swelled. "i love you. You're still my favourite customer."

"Yeah?" 

"It's why I make you coffee every morning," Remus said. 

Remus saw Sirius smile out of the corner of his eye. "You're my favourite barista."

"I know I am," Remus teased.

When they arrived at the surgeon, Remus held Sirius' hand until they reached the actual room in the building. Remus could practically hear Sirius' heart beating, so before walking in, he planted a kiss on his forehead. 

"You're going to be okay."

They walked in and Sirius got himself checked in at the front desk. They waited a few minutes before Sirius was called back and Remus was told to go wait in the car. Sirius looked at him with nervous eyes, so Remus gave him a hug and stroked his hair for a moment. He whispered some affirmations in his ear before pulling back, and Sirius, like the brave guy he was, followed the nurse into the back room.

"You'll call me when he's done?" Remus asked the receptionist.

He nodded. "When you come back up we'll give you all the healing instructions... you'll be taking care of him, correct?"

"Yes."

"Okay. We'll give you a booklet, instructions, all that. See you soon."

"Yep, see you soon," Remus said. He walked out of the office and got into the lift. He pressed the button that took him to the underground garage and got into Sirius' car. He put on some music, put his seat back, and waited patiently for the call that Sirius was out of surgery.

Then, his phone was ringing through the speakers. He picked it up, nervous, yet very sure that Sirius would be alright. "Hello?"

"Alright, he's done, he's doing good. Pretty out of it, but the surgery went great."

Remus sighed, relieved. "Okay, I'll come up now."

Remus hung up and got out of the car. He locked it and pocketed his phone and the keys before heading back to lift. The ride was short; he exited the lift and walked into the room all within two or three minutes of getting the call. He was escorted into the resting room and he saw Sirius moaning in the chair with ice pack wrapped around his puffy cheeks. 

"Oh, no, baby," Remus said quietly, a frown forming. He walked over to Sirius, who was obviously coming down from anesthesia. "How do you feel?"

"Bad." Remus could barely make out what Sirius was saying. "Tired."

"Sweetheart," Remus found himself saying. He sat down in the chair next to Sirius and took his hand. 

The nurse came over to Remus and handed him a clipboard and little book. "Here. It's all the recovery things. Just give these to him when he's in a state to look. You should pick up his opioid prescription on the way home."

"Okay," Remus said, staring at the pamphlet.

"Drugs?" Sirius slurred, sounding confused.

"Pain-killers," the nurse explained. "Make sure you really follow instructions on how to use them."

"Uh-huh," Sirius said, a smile forming on his face.

Remus stared at him, confused.

"We're gonna get him into a wheelchair and take him down to your car, alright?" The nurse said as she pulled a wheelchair over to Sirius.

"How long until the anesthesia starts wearing off?" Remus asked.

"A few hours," the nurse said. She grabbed Sirius' arms and told him to keep his knees locked and to hold on to him. She helped him into the chair. "Lead the way."

Remus nodded and walked out of the room and to the lift. He pressed the garage button and Sirius continued moaning and groaning in the lift. Remus felt awful for Sirius; the amount of pain his boyfriend was in hurt him too. He wondered if Sirius felt this way when he was sick. Probably not.

When the lift doors open, Remus got out first, then the nurse pushing Sirius. They walked to the car and Remus unlocked it and opened the passenger door.

"Does he get carsick?" The nurse asked.

Remus shook his head.

"Good," the nurse said. She grabbed Sirius arms again and gave him the same instructions and placed him in the car. "Call us if you need anything."

"Thank you," Remus said and got into the driver seat. He told Sirius to buckle up, and after some resistance, he finally did. And they were off. "Let's get some food in you."

"Burger," Sirius grunted.

Remus chuckled and exited the parking garage. "You can't have a burger, love. There are things at home. What about soup? Mashed potatoes?"

"Okay," Sirius said and rolled his head down.

Remus reached out and lifted his chin. "Don't do that, it'll make the bleeding worse."

"Fuck that," Sirius said, raising a middle finger.

"Just try, for me, please," Remus said.

Sirius groaned loudly and put his head against the headrest. "Fine. Only 'cuz I love you."

"Thank you," Remus smiled and changed lanes. "I love you too."

"I'm gonna marry you," Sirius said, still slurring his words. "We're gonna get married on the beach in Brighton. And James will be my best man, Harry will be the ring bearer, their new baby will be the flower girl, and we're gonna get frickin' married."

Remus hoped Sirius was too out of it to notice how much he was blushing. He felt a little bit uncomfortable, but it was fine. And it was sweet. "Okay, Sirius," was all Remus thought to say.

"Ol' Monty will walk me down the aisle," Sirius said. Remus thought he was done, but nope. "And then we'll have a huge chocolate cake 'cuz I know you love chocolate, and then we'll honeymoon in The Maldives."

"Sounds nice," Remus responded. It did sound nice. He just had never talked about marriage before. _They_ had never talked about marriage before. Remus was secretly hoping that this confession wasn't just him being high.

"It'll be so nice being married to you," Sirius slurred. "I fuckin' love you."

"I love you too," Remus chuckled out.

When they arrived home, Remus practically carried Sirius into their apartment. He locked the door and set Sirius up on the couch before going to heat up some chicken broth for him. Sirius was no longer high when they got back, but he was still really drowsy. Remus made him promise not to fall asleep before eating and taking some ibuprofen. Sirius turned on Spiderman (the one with Andrew Garfield) and seemed happy as could be, except that he was complaining of being sore. Remus brought over the soup to him and propped him up so he wouldn't spill. Sirius thanked him and tried to take a sip, but all of it dribbled down his chin. Remus reached over for the bowl and spoon and began carefully feeding Sirius, like a baby. Remus knew it was ridiculous, but Remus wasn't about to just let Sirius spill all of his soup. He needed to eat.

When he finished, Sirius leaned over and gave Remus a huge hug. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Remus said, returning the hug. "I'm gonna go do some school work while you watch this out here, is that okay?"

"Huh?" Sirius pouted. "Can you please stay here and cuddle with me?"

And how could Remus resist?


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so. i straight up could not do anything this weekend bc of my wisdom teeth surgery. i had an allergic reaction to the opioids so that's fun. anyway. i had an idea for this chapter but didn't write it down so i'm tryna figure something out.

Sirius slammed the front door to his apartment and set the groceries on the island counter along with his keys. "Remus?" He yelled into the bedroom. Remus was taking a lazy day because he had finally finished all of his final examinations for uni. Sirius had promised a large home cooked meal (and dessert) to celebrate. So, he got two steaks, a head of broccoli, potatoes to mash, and all the ingredients to make lava cake. Over the past seven months of their relationship, Remus had learned that Sirius was practically a professional chef. Sirius had explained that his parents had enrolled him and his little brother in a posh French cooking seminar one summer and Sirius had fallen in love with the "art" of cooking and baking. Remus was impressed, and too excited that he wouldn't have to worry about cooking ever. They still had not discussed the incident in which Sirius was high on painkillers and told Remus how desperately he wanted to marry him, so Remus assumed Sirius had forgotten. But he hadn't. Sirius had spent the entirety of April embarrassed and hopeful that Remus wasn't too weirded out. He assumed Remus wasn't because he hadn't said anything. One of the issues in their relationships was that both were too shy to say the embarrassing or big things first, so usually conversations didn't get... conversed. But Sirius knew that it was too early to have that conversation, even if he really did mean what he said. He couldn't deny that what he had said was completely the truth. Once May came around and Remus was done with exams, Sirius had significantly calmed down and got out of his head. 

Remus did not answer when Sirius called out his name. Sirius thought Remus might be asleep, but he went into their room to check up on him anyway. The door was shut, which it never was, and Remus was lying face down into the pillow. His body was convulsing and Sirius knew instantly that he was having a crying fit. He ran over to Remus and placed a hand on his back.

"Remus? Moony?"

Remus continued crying and Sirius had no idea what to do. Sirius gripped Remus arm and sat down on the bed. Sirius pushed his boyfriend to help him roll over because Sirius had a genuine fear that Remus would suffocate. Later, he laughed at that stupid thought he had. Remus felt limp and heavy, so Sirius completely rolled him over and held him up in a sitting position. He grabbed a pillow and placed it behind Remus to prop him up. Remus was still sobbing, hyperventilating, panicking, seemingly. Sirius reached out and caressed Remus' face lovingly and shushed him. "Breathe... please... for me..."

Remus obeyed, though Sirius was unsure how he had done that. He was not particularly good at calming down panicking people, in fact usually _he_ was the one panicking and James or Lily was calming him. But as Remus calmed, Sirius took him into his arms and stroked his hair. 

"Sorry," Remus hiccuped. 

"No," Sirius shushed. "Please don't apologize, please."

"Okay," Remus cried.

Sirius rubbed his lover's back lovingly and shushed him again, rocking him. "What's going on?"

"I miss mum," Remus exhaled loudly, gripping tighter onto Sirius.

Sirius sighed and felt tears prick his own eyes. He was too empathetic, he thought. Anytime someone cried, he lost it. Whether privately afterwards or in the moment depended. He supposed he was too weak. His mother always criticized him for being too girly, which really only meant he was too emotional for her liking. He had learned through time spent with the Potters that it was okay to cry. He had that line drilled in his brain by Euphemia for years, yet he still had trouble believing it in times like these, where he was overcome with his own stupid emotions while trying to comfort his boyfriend.

"She always wanted to see my graduate and I'm gonna walk the stage next month and she's not even going to be able to see it," Remus sobbed. It took Sirius a moment to register what had been said. And it broke Sirius' heart. Fully.

"I'm sorry." Sirius, no matter how much he cared and wanted to help, didn't know what to say. He was never the one who was good at that. That was James! God, why did he have to be so incompetent?

Remus pulled back from Sirius' grip and wiped his tears, but they were still flowing out of his eyes. Less violently though, which Sirius thought was good. "I don't know if I want to go to graduation."

Sirius tilted his head. "Remus?"

"I'll have them mail me my diploma or I'll go pick it up or something. I don't want to be apart of the ceremony if my mum isn't gonna be there."

"Remus..." Sirius said. "Don't make the decision now. Why don't you wait until you've calmed down. It's not for another month, anyway."

"I am calm," Remus said, not calmly. "I am calm, I'm not going."

Sirius' facial expression had pity written all over it. He felt awful for Remus, and his situation, but he knew how hard Remus worked, and he had never mentioned the possibility of not being apart of the ceremony. "Okay, Remus." He would talk to him about it later. "But wait to call your dean, okay?"

Remus opened his mouth, but closed it before arguing. "Okay."

"I love you," Sirius said.

Remus kissed him softly on the mouth, having finally stopped crying. "Love you too."

-

Sirius had taken to babysitting Harry, who was now nearing closer to two years old, when Lily and James went to their appointments to check up on the new baby. Sirius was itching to know the sex (he just had a feeling it was a girl, but James thought it was a boy) but wouldn't find out until September 23rd, because Lily and James had decided to have it be a surprise again. Sirius groaned when they told him that. Waiting to find out if Harry was a boy or girl was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. (This was completely a lie and Sirius knew it, he just liked being dramatic.) Remus was usually in class when Harry was over, which Remus was okay with. He was scared of kids. Scared of what they'll turn out to be. He didn't tell Sirius this. He knew Sirius wanted kids, he could just tell with the way he spoke about Harry and the new baby. And he decided that one day, he would force himself to be ready to have children. Maybe by 35 he'd be ready. He just didn't know how he'd manage earlier than that, he was still so young. James and Lily were so young. Sirius had not mentioned having children of his own yet, which Remus was very grateful for. He didn't know how he'd deal with kid talk. He knew it'd be worse than actually hanging out with kids.

But one day, someone knocked loudly on the apartment door while Sirius was out with Marlene doing god knows what. Remus answered, and to his surprise, it was Lily and Harry.

"Hi Lily," Remus said.

"Hey Remus! Is Sirius in? He's not answering his phone," Lily said, her voice higher than normal.

Remus shook his head. "He's out with Marlene."

"Shit," Lily said. "Remus, honey, I'm sorry to do this, but I really need you to take Harry for a little bit. James has to stay late at work and they just called me in because they're understaffed right now. Thanks."

She handed Harry to Remus, and closed the door on him. Remus' mouth was wide open, and Harry was staring at him. 

_Fuck!_


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus babysits baby Harry, and Sirius has a day out with Marlene McKinnon and his dead phone.

"C'mon, pick up Sirius," Remus said anxiously, dialing Sirius' number for the fifth time.

"Padfoot!" Harry said. He obviously recognized the name 'Sirius.'

"Yes, Padfoot is coming very soon," Remus said. The call went to voicemail again, and he put his phone down on the counter, groaning. He ran his hand through his hair. "What do you like to do, kid? Watch telly? Reading? Can you read yet?"

Harry stared at him, with a confused look. They stared at each other for seconds, until Harry started giggling. 

"What?" Remus stared. "Am I funny to you?"

Harry stood up from his seated spot on the floor and ran over to Remus. He tugged on his sweater sleeve and pointed at the TV with his other hand. "Thomas the Tank Engine."

Remus shook his hand away and walked over to the couch. Harry followed him and tried to get up on the couch alone, but eventually looked at Remus and said, "Help, please."

Remus frowned and picked up Harry, placing him on the other side of the couch. He grabbed the remote and found Thomas the Tank Engine on Youtube. He sighed and placed the clicker down. "Need anything else? I've got some work to do, you good alone?"

Harry nodded, but kept his eyes fixed on the telly.

Remus stood up and went back to the island, and picked up his phone. Still no word from Sirius. What the hell was he doing?

-

"That movie was shit," Marlene said, throwing back her popcorn and looking around the halls. She leaned into Sirius and whispered, "Fancy sneaking into another one?"

Sirius smirked and nodded. "Lemme let Remus know." He pulled out his phone and tried to turn it on. _Bugger._ "It's dead. Oh well. I'm sure nothing important's happened."

-

Remus spent the following fifteen minutes getting some work done. It was quite hard to focus, with the background noise being effing Thomas the Tank Engine. Every time Harry giggled, he picked up his phone to see if Sirius had bothered texting him back. Nope.

Next thing Remus knew, the telly was off. He whipped his head around. "Whatdya do that for?"

"I'm bored," Harry said, his rs still lisped. 

"Whatdya want me to do about it?" Remus groaned, getting agitated. And he became even more annoyed when Harry did not mind him acting rudely. Based on the six months he had known James, Harry was on track to become a miniature version of his father.

"Where Padfoot?" Harry asked.

"Bloody hell, I'm asking the same question."

Harry furrowed his eyebrows and pushed his glasses up with his entire hand. "Toys?"

"Don't have any here, sorry kid," Remus said.

Harry shook his head and got off the couch. He walked to Remus, grabbed his hand, and led him into the bedroom. Remus was very confused. Harry pulled out one of the drawers under the bed, which was filled to the brim with toys. Trains, stuffed animals, action figures, everything. Somehow, this made Remus' heart melt. He wondered if Sirius had bought them himself or if Lily and James had brought them for when Harry was there. 

Harry picked out two trains, and to Remus' surprise, handed Remus one. Remus looked down at the toy, and then back at Harry. 

"Play," Harry demanded, lying down on his stomach on the carpeted floor. He began rolling his train around. "Choo choo!"

Remus' heart fluttered. He matched Harry's position, and began rolling his train around, playing along with everything Harry did. 

-

"Bloody boring film," Sirius said, yawning as they exited the theater. "Shoulda left halfway through."

"Yep," Marlene said. They walked onto the street and it was dark outside. "Had fun today, Sirius. See you soon?!"

"'S your birthday soon, will there be a party?" Sirius asked as they arrived at the bus stop.

Marlene looked around, then chuckled. "My birthday is at the end of June. Two months."

"That's soon!" Sirius said, blushing. "If we want a good party we better start planning now!"

"Alright love." The bus arrived, and Marlene gave Sirius a quick kiss on the cheek before getting on. She called, "Love you!" 

"Love you too!" Sirius called back, and set off for home. It was a two block walk and he loved walking through London. He had lived there in his early childhood, but had never gotten a chance to explore at all. He knew that Remus enjoyed walks around the city too. Sirius took his time walking, going way too slow, and spent it thinking about what he would get Remus as a graduation gift. Something big, he knew. Maybe a really nice jacket. In the winter, Remus was always stealing Sirius' big jackets. Sirius decided that wasn't big enough. A new coffee machine? Theirs was getting old. No, because that benefited both of them. Sirius really wanted a gift just for Remus. Just for Remus. His lover. The smartest, strongest, bravest man he'd ever met. The greatest thing to ever happen to him. A man who'd had a life full of pain, heartbreak. A man who had a flip phone in the year 2019, a man who had never been outside the UK.

Sirius literally stopped walking and grinned wide. He knew what he was going to get him. He'd have to find out very discreetly where Remus would want to go, but that wouldn't be too hard. 

By this revelation, he was feet away from the entrance to his building. He went up as quick as he could, really hoping Remus was still in. He wasn't going to tell him about the gift yet, he wanted it to be a surprise. But he did want to get going with his 'research' as soon as possible. He opened the front door and called out Remus' name. Remus didn't call back, but he heard his voice, soft and speaking in... baby talk? He walked towards his bedroom and pushed open the cracked open door. 

HIs heart just about melted when he saw his boyfriend playing trains with Harry. 

"Padfoot!" Harry said, abandoning his train and Remus to give Sirius a hug. Sirius picked up Harry and booped his nose.

"Having fun?" Sirius asked, confusing beginning to plague his mind. Why was Remus babysitting Harry? Wasn't that his job?

"Lily just dropped him here... you weren't here. Why weren't you picking up your phone?" Remus demanded.

Sirius laughed. "It died. Oh god, the one time I don't charge my phone you get abandoned with a two year old."

"We've had fun, haven't we Harry?" Remus said sweetly.

Harry nodded and pulled Sirius by the hand onto the floor. "Play trains with us."

Sirius obeyed, and winked at Remus, who returned the gesture.


	18. Chapter 18

"Prongsie!" Sirius practically exclaimed when James picked up the phone. "I miss you so much!"

"I miss you too," James groaned from the other end. "Sorry that I've been so busy. But you've got Remus, don't you?"

Sirius groaned. "He's always at school or studying, barely see him. It gets so boring around the house without you all. And lonely."

"Get a job then," James said.

Sirius' eyes widened, then he furrowed his brow. "What do you mean 'get a job?'"

"You heard me. You probably wouldn't be so bored if you got a job. Maybe apply for that masters program."

"But I miss you and Lily and Harry! If I'm doing my masters then I won't have time to see you all," Sirius complained.

"Stop whinging, you big baby. I told you, you can come for dinner anytime you want."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "But I have Remus."

"Bring him."

Sirius groaned and rolled over on his bed, where he was already lying. "I miss when we were in school and could hang out whenever we wanted."

"Me too, bud," James said, softening. "Sorry if I've been a right dick lately- it's just, with Harry and Lily being pregnant and the job, I've been busy. And I'm so sorry, Padfoot."

Sirius took his words in, then laughed. "Why've you always gotta be so sweet? Anyway, I'm just being a baby. It gets lonely without Remus in. Though I suppose he'll be done with school soon."

"See! That's something to look forward to. He's only got a few weeks left, and then you'll go on your mystery trip. It's not so bad, is it?"

"No. I guess it isn't."

"Look, mate- I've gotta run. But I'll talk to you soon. Fancy going out for drinks tomorrow night?"

Sirius' eyes lit up. "Yes! Absolutely."

"Great! See ya, Padfoot."

"Bye, Prongs."

Sirius clutched his phone like a teenage girl and sighed. He really missed the days before James had children. Yes, Sirius loved Harry more than anyone in the entire world, and he thought James was an amazing father, but he missed his best friend. Sirius, although a 'grown man', was not ready to grow up. He had not even had a proper childhood. His childhood was filled with strict emotional (and occasional physical) abuse, and when he got kicked out of the house finally, he felt his childhood had finally started. Late, yes, but it got there. So, at fifteen, he became the most childish, reckless person ever. And he didn't want a job. 

He and Remus had bonded over their mutual lack of a real childhood. Remus' situation was different, though. His mum had tried to bring as much light into his life, but it never worked. Remus stayed the same depressed little kid, who, when finally discharged, didn't lose the cloud above his head.

After his call with Prongs, Sirius started to feel a little shitty. Just memories coming up, thoughts that he shouldn't think intruding. So he walked into the bathroom and took a (prescribed) xanax.

At 5:55, Remus came into the apartment and straight to the bedroom. Sirius was still lying in bed in pyjamas.

"Been stuck like that all day?" Remus teased lightly, kicking off his shoes and hopping under the covers.

"Mhm," Sirius said. He kissed Remus neck and slid a hand up his shirt. "I missed you."

Remus chuckled. "Missed you too. I've got good news, though. Care to hear?"

Sirius perked up and smirked. "What is it?"

"I got my acceptance to grad school this morning," Remus said, excitedly.

Sirius stared at him. "I didn't know you'd applied."

Remus' smile fell. "I applied back in September. So I guess that was before we met. But it's exciting, innit?"

Sirius grinned and tackled Remus in a hug. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks," Remus chuckled, overwhelmed by the physical contact.

"Which uni?"

"U of Edinburgh."

Sirius' face dropped and he pulled away from the hug. "In Scotland?"

Remus nodded, his face saying 'obviously, dummy.'

"Remus that's like five hours away from London," Sirius said slowly.

"I know."

"You're gonna leave me?" Sirius frowned.

Remus frowned back. "No, I'd like to stay together. I never said anything about leaving you."

"But you're leaving London," Sirius said.

"Yes," Remus said. "Just for two years. We'll still see each other all the time!"

"But two years is a long time! I'm gonna miss you, Moony," Sirius pouted. 

Remus looked into Sirius' worried, childlike eyes and rubbed his temple in distress. "I don't know what to say here."

"And you're gonna leave in September?" Sirius asked, tears crowning at this point.

"Yeah," Remus said. "Sirius, are you okay? Why are you crying?"

Sirius wiped his tears with his sleeve and shook his head. "Sorry, it's been a bad day already. I'm really happy for you. I'll just miss you when you leave."

The wheels were turning in Remus' brain, Sirius could tell. "What if... what if we moved together, then?"

"Huh?"

"Moony and Padfoot take on Scotland, eh? How does that sound?" Remus said in his best cheery voice.

"But... but James..."

Remus' smile faded. "Yeah."

"I can't move away from James."

"I know, sorry."

"I'm sorry, Moony."

"No, don't apologize," Remus said. "Seriously."

"I'm going to miss you so much," Sirius said, meaning it with all his heart. They were going on six months living together, and that doesn't just happen with anybody. "I can't imagine my life without you."

Remus buried his face in his hands and shook it, before bringing his head up and sighing. "Okay. I'm not going to go."

Sirius furrowed his brow. "What?"

"I won't go. It wouldn't be a good move for our relationship," Remus said decidedly.

Sirius shook his head and placed his hand on top of Remus'. "Don't give up your dreams for me."

"This isn't my dream, Sirius. It's a graduate program."

"But it's your life! You shouldn't be rearranging it for me," Sirius said. "I love you, and I want you to do this because you obviously want to."

"I can't imagine my life without you either," Remus admitted. "I won't do anything to make you unhappy."

And then a lightbulb went off in Sirius' head. He loved Remus. He loved Remus more than he'd ever loved any of his exes. Remus had just asked him to move to freaking Scotland with him for two years, and how had Sirius so adamantly said no? James Potter was no reason to make five hour commutes each weekend to Edinburgh. And the truth was, Sirius wouldn't want to do anything to make Remus unhappy either. Remus was delightful. Remus was smart. Remus was funny as hell. Remus was _sexy._

"I want to move to Edinburgh with you. We'll make it work."

Remus smiled a wicked smile and kissed Sirius on the mouth. "Cheers."


	19. Chapter 19

Remus became a university graduate on June 26th. When he and Sirius got home from the short ceremony, Sirius immediately kissed him and pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket.

"What's this?" Remus said, curiously, taking the piece of paper.

Sirius smirked. "Your graduation present."

Remus smirked back and opened up the piece of paper. He gasped and looked up at Sirius. "Oh my god. Seriously?!"

" _Sirius_ ly," Sirius joked, which resulted in Remus snorting.

Remus stared back down at the paper. "Blimey," he muttered. There were two printed out airline tickets, reading:

**Black III Sirius O.  
To: Paris Charles de Gaulle  
From: London Heathrow  
July 15**

**Lupin Remus J.  
To: Paris Charles de Gaulle  
From: London Heathrow  
July 15**

"Sirius... Padfoot... this is the best gift I've ever gotten," Remus said. He threw his arms around Sirius and kissed his cheek. "I love you... I love you..."

"I love you," Sirius replied, his voice deep and lustful. 

Remus dropped the piece of paper on the floor and pulled Sirius by the wrist into their bedroom.

Afterwards, Sirius propped himself up by his forearm and rested his head on his hand, just watching Remus breathe and recover. After a minute of staring and breathing in silence, Remus turned his head and cracked a smile.

"Can't believe nine months ago you were just a stranger coming into the coffee shop," Remus said softly. "You're so beautiful. I mean, what is my luck that you walked in that day?" Remus exclaimed, his hand tracing Sirius' hip.

"You're a lucky man, Remus Lupin," Sirius said, and pulled Remus closer to him. "I think I'm luckier."

"No chance," Remus said. He closed his eyes and brushed his lips against Sirius'.

-

As of the end of June, Lily was given strict bed rest instructions from her doctor. So, her maternity leave started a little bit earlier than she hoped it would have. With Remus out of school and Sirius unemployed, they resolved to spend every single day at the Potter's house doing everything they could to help Lily and James. They went grocery shopping for them, babysat Harry while James was at work, and just kept Lily company as she was stuck in bed. She very much hated not being able to work. She was a fiery person who didn't complain about anything at all. But when she began fainting and vomiting as she entered her third trimester, everybody realized it'd be best for her to force her to stop working. She told James to keep working, though. 

Lily loved Remus. James loved Remus. Even Harry loved Remus. And Sirius couldn't have been happier.

Before she received the bedrest order, Lily called Remus just to chat often. She made Remus feel like a true adult. As a child, when his mum would run around the house cleaning or cooking, she'd usually be on the phone with a friend as she did her work. Remus found himself doing the same thing with Lily as he tidied things up around the apartment. And Remus had never had a friend like that, for several reasons. Only two of which had been revealed to Sirius.

The first was his being ill as a child. He had only had one friend in primary school before he left, and when he did, they fell out of touch after a year or so of him being in hospital. The second was his depression and anxiety as a teenager. The third was his ex-boyfriend. When Remus moved to London for school, he was ready for a fresh start. But all he got was an abusive, controlling boyfriend. 

The third was the one Sirius did not know about. Because how do you bring that up?

He had been told once that "toxic relationships are practically a right of passage for a young person." He didn't like that at all. He didn't like that things seemed too good to be true with Sirius. 

They didn't talk about past relationships very often. Sirius had only once mentioned that during college and uni he was much more interested in one night stands than long-term relationships, which was fair in Remus' eyes. Boys are stupid in college and uni. Very stupid.

Remus, in conversation with Lily, learned that her first boyfriend was James, and James' first girlfriend was Lily. This made Remus want to cry. He had never heard a story as epic as the relationship of James and Lily Potter. According to Sirius, James was never a douchebag boy. He was maybe a little bit of an idea at 14 and 15, but he was always a gentleman towards women. Especially Lily. 

Remus loved Lily. One day, Sirius took Harry out to the park and Remus stayed behind with Lily. The first thing she said when she saw him was:

"Honey, are you alright? You look a bit peaky," Lily said, her forehead creasing. 

"Fine," Remus said passive aggressively, sitting down. "I'm fine."

"Just making sure," Lily said. She leaned her head against her pillow. "Can't have you getting sick now, can we?"

Remus sighed into a chuckle. He did feel sick, but he wasn't about to ask anyone to help him. He was fine, like he said. It was nothing he hadn't dealt with before. And there was only two weeks before he and Sirius went to Paris, which he couldn't miss because he was ill. His body was stupid. 

But he was fine. He insisted he would be fine.


End file.
